"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, and hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God." Colossians 3:16
WOW! What a verse! I love this verse!
I want to introduce a Bible study "tool" I use, usually to get the Greek meaning of a word or to get someone else's interpretation of a word or verse. I have to go somehere else when my thoughts are scattered, usually because I'm so attached to the verse, and I need more focus. Where I go is called the Blue Letter Bible. It can be found online at http://www.blueletterbible.org.
Matthew Henry, minister of the gospel in Chester, England who lived in the 17th and 18th centuries wrote the following words about, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly." (He is one of the commentary authors I usually go to.) I'm sure what I would have written today, had I been writing my own thoughts, would not have compared to what he wrote back in the 1600's. I hope it impresses you as much as it did me.
I'm so sorry this is late, but I wanted you to get the letter I sent you today, that you should have gotten via email.
"The gospel is the word of Christ, which has come to us; but that is not enough, it must dwell in us, or keep house—enoikeitoµ, not as a servant in a family, who is under another’s control, but as a master, who has a right to prescribe to and direct all under his roof. We must take our instructions and directions from it, and our portion of meat and strength, of grace and comfort, in due season, as from the master of the household. It must dwell in us; that is, be always ready and at hand to us in every thing, and have its due influence and use. We must be familiarly acquainted with it, and know it for our good, Job 5:27. It must dwell in us richly: not only keep house in our hearts, but keep a good house. Many have the word of Christ dwelling in them, but it dwells in them but poorly; it has no mighty force and influence upon them. Then the soul prospers when the word of God dwells in us richly, when we have abundance of it in us, and are full of the scriptures and of the grace of Christ. And this in all wisdom. The proper office of wisdom is to apply what we know to ourselves, for our own direction. The word of Christ must dwell in us, not in all notion and speculation, to make us doctors, but in all wisdom, to make us good Christians, and enable us to conduct ourselves in every thing as becomes Wisdom’s children."
Don't you love that? I couldn't have said it better.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Heb. 12, 2, 3 Thursday
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Hebrews 12:2, 3
I am the one who opposed him. I am the sinful man. I am the one who caused him to endure the cross. Yet, it is through fixing my eyes on whom I killed, that I am kept from growing weary and losing heart. Amazing, amazing grace--how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.
I am the one who opposed him. I am the sinful man. I am the one who caused him to endure the cross. Yet, it is through fixing my eyes on whom I killed, that I am kept from growing weary and losing heart. Amazing, amazing grace--how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.
Heb. 12, 2, 3 Wednesday
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Heb. 12:2,3
Jesus never did anything out of selfish ambition. The joy set before him was not Heaven; it was the salvation of my soul. I know how my granddaughter's face looked when she asked, "Mammie, will you come home wiff me?" last night and I said, "No." I can't imagine how Jesus' face must look when I say "No" to him.
Jesus never did anything out of selfish ambition. The joy set before him was not Heaven; it was the salvation of my soul. I know how my granddaughter's face looked when she asked, "Mammie, will you come home wiff me?" last night and I said, "No." I can't imagine how Jesus' face must look when I say "No" to him.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Heb. 12:2, 3 Tuesday
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross,
Today, I want us to look at two translations: Young’s literal translation and Alfred Marshall’s Interlinear translation of Hebrews 12:2.
“looking to the author and pefecter of faith – Jesus, who, over-against the joy set before him – did endure a cross, shame having despised, on the right hand also of the throne of God did sit down;” Young’s
“looking away to the of the faith author and finisher Jesus, who against the set before him joy endured a cross shame despising at [the]right [hand] and of the throne of God has taken [his] seat.” Marshall’s
I love looking at literal translations because I can more clearly see the meaning of the words in the Greek.
Here are the definitions of the words fix, author and perfecter from the Greek.
FIX -- apharoa -- To turn the eyes away from and fix them on something. BlueLetterBible.org. In the original Greek, it is not the word fix it is the word fixing, which makes it ongoing. Fix means “to turn the eyes away from something in order to fix them onto something else.” In order to fix our eyes on Jesus, we must turn them away from the world. We don’t just fix our eyes on Jesus for awhile and then go back to looking at the world; we are crucified with Jesus—dead to the world. “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Gal. 2:20
AUTHOR – archegos -- “beginning or rule; to lead. Originator, founder, leader, chief, first, prince as distinguished from simply being the cause. One may be the cause of something but not the beginning.” Arche like archegos denotes the founder as the first cause, ruler, dispenser; e.g., Jesus Christ is called the archegos of life (Acts 3:15) because He is the arche, the beginning or the originator of God’s creation (Rev. 3:14). This excludes him from himself being a product of that beginning. Jesus Christ is called archegos, the originator of faith in Heb. 12:2. (The Complete Word Study Dictionary) There is a sentence, here, that’s extremely important; Jesus is “the originator of faith.” The original Greek leaves out the word our in “the author and pefecter of our faith” which is in the NIV and other translations – some have “the faith.” What a difference leaving out one word makes and how adding it takes away from its meaning. Jesus is the originator of faith. Not, “Jesus is the author of our faith,” but “Jesus is the author of faith.” Doesn’t that deepen the meaning of this verse to you?
PERFECTER: teleiotes one who has in his own person raised faith to its perfection and so set before us the highest example of faith. The word occurs nowhere else. WOW! Before someone can be a perfect-er He must be per-fect. That is why Jesus is the pefecter of faith. Another word that is a root of the word teleiotes is the word teleioo meaning to complete (perfect) to add what is yet wanting in order to render a thing full. Ladies, you and I are incomplete without Christ. We are not even a fraction; we are NOTHING, zero, nada, not anything. No, we are not a zero when we are IN HIM, but we are a zero without him. We want to think that grace covers that which we cannot do. But, my sisters, grace covers all of me. It’s not the part of the yardstick I can’t measure up to; it’s the entire yardstick. Do you get that? Do you really get that?
To know that Jesus is the author and perfecter of faith, is such an encouragement to me, because I realize that he whom I fixing my eyes upon, has gone down the path of faith before me, knowing where I’ve been, where I am, AND knowing where I’m going to go. Thanks be to God that leads me to Jesus in every way.
Today, I want us to look at two translations: Young’s literal translation and Alfred Marshall’s Interlinear translation of Hebrews 12:2.
“looking to the author and pefecter of faith – Jesus, who, over-against the joy set before him – did endure a cross, shame having despised, on the right hand also of the throne of God did sit down;” Young’s
“looking away to the of the faith author and finisher Jesus, who against the set before him joy endured a cross shame despising at [the]right [hand] and of the throne of God has taken [his] seat.” Marshall’s
I love looking at literal translations because I can more clearly see the meaning of the words in the Greek.
Here are the definitions of the words fix, author and perfecter from the Greek.
FIX -- apharoa -- To turn the eyes away from and fix them on something. BlueLetterBible.org. In the original Greek, it is not the word fix it is the word fixing, which makes it ongoing. Fix means “to turn the eyes away from something in order to fix them onto something else.” In order to fix our eyes on Jesus, we must turn them away from the world. We don’t just fix our eyes on Jesus for awhile and then go back to looking at the world; we are crucified with Jesus—dead to the world. “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Gal. 2:20
AUTHOR – archegos -- “beginning or rule; to lead. Originator, founder, leader, chief, first, prince as distinguished from simply being the cause. One may be the cause of something but not the beginning.” Arche like archegos denotes the founder as the first cause, ruler, dispenser; e.g., Jesus Christ is called the archegos of life (Acts 3:15) because He is the arche, the beginning or the originator of God’s creation (Rev. 3:14). This excludes him from himself being a product of that beginning. Jesus Christ is called archegos, the originator of faith in Heb. 12:2. (The Complete Word Study Dictionary) There is a sentence, here, that’s extremely important; Jesus is “the originator of faith.” The original Greek leaves out the word our in “the author and pefecter of our faith” which is in the NIV and other translations – some have “the faith.” What a difference leaving out one word makes and how adding it takes away from its meaning. Jesus is the originator of faith. Not, “Jesus is the author of our faith,” but “Jesus is the author of faith.” Doesn’t that deepen the meaning of this verse to you?
PERFECTER: teleiotes one who has in his own person raised faith to its perfection and so set before us the highest example of faith. The word occurs nowhere else. WOW! Before someone can be a perfect-er He must be per-fect. That is why Jesus is the pefecter of faith. Another word that is a root of the word teleiotes is the word teleioo meaning to complete (perfect) to add what is yet wanting in order to render a thing full. Ladies, you and I are incomplete without Christ. We are not even a fraction; we are NOTHING, zero, nada, not anything. No, we are not a zero when we are IN HIM, but we are a zero without him. We want to think that grace covers that which we cannot do. But, my sisters, grace covers all of me. It’s not the part of the yardstick I can’t measure up to; it’s the entire yardstick. Do you get that? Do you really get that?
To know that Jesus is the author and perfecter of faith, is such an encouragement to me, because I realize that he whom I fixing my eyes upon, has gone down the path of faith before me, knowing where I’ve been, where I am, AND knowing where I’m going to go. Thanks be to God that leads me to Jesus in every way.
Heb. 12:2, 3 Monday
The first week in October, after looking at who God is in September, we started looking at ourselves, i.e. who we are and what we should do as a response to who God is. The first week in October, we meditated on being still; the second week we meditated on not being condemned. This week I want us to meditate on the verse that has gotten me through life (not just part of it, but all of it), but especially during the hardest times. If you’ve read Thursday’s meditation last week, (the incident with the foot-washing) fixing my eyes on Jesus was how I got through it. There was simply no way I could have not grown weary and lost heart, as whoever this author is, tells us to do, had it not been for this verse. Even though it looks like this is a lot to memorize, I’m only concentrating on a few key words.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:2, 3
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus…
Back when I was going to Lamaze classes getting ready for David to be born (I didn’t have to go when I had Laura. Breathing correctly would not have done any good with her delivery, but that is another story in and of itself) I was told to bring a picture or something else I could look at, to “fix my eyes” on to distract myself from the pain. (Those of you who’ve had natural childbirth, know it may be free from medication but it’s definitely not free from pain and no amount of fixing your eyes on anything is going to make the pain go away.) (Melanie you may be different because you had Jarrod. Oh well…). But the concept of fixing our eyes on Jesus is much the same concept.
What does fixing your eyes on Jesus do? It does lessen the pain of what we’re going through. Ladies, my mantra that I don’t frequently share with everyone since it sounds so negative, is “Life is hard and then you die.” I hate to say it, but that is so true and just the way it is with most Christians. I once heard of a Christian woman who was a fine woman who knew the Bible backwards and forwards but had no influence because she had never suffered. God knows that the only way we’re going to walk closely to Him, is to be tested in the furnace of affliction, i.e. suffer.
Fixing our eyes on Jesus also makes us stop watching the winds and the waves. You all know the story so I’m not going to repeat it. But when Peter took his eyes off Jesus, when he was walking on the water, he began to sink when he saw the winds and the waves. My sisters, from my own personal experience (yours may be different from mine; I hope it is) MY OWN BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN THE LORD HAVE BEEN THE WINDS AND THE WAVES. Satan knows if we keep our eyes on each other, we’ll never be able to fix our eyes on HIM, who is able to keep us from growing weary and losing heart. And that is exactly what Satan wants. Satan is a murderer and a liar and his only intention is to kill. He wants our spiritual death. He does not want us to have the life that is truly life—the life of life and peace.
Fixing our eyes on Jesus puts our suffering into perspective. Can I really compare my suffering with Jesus’ suffering? All I have to do is to read Philippians 2:5-8 and Isaiah 53 to get just an inkling of how much Jesus suffered. And all I have to do to get a visual image of how much Jesus suffered is to watch the move The Passion. I had no idea how bad it was going to be. I cannot imagine how I would have felt had been there in person. Would I have been hurling insults to? And can I really realize that it was because of ME that he suffered?
I could go on and on about what I’ve learned about “fix your eyes on Jesus,” but this is enough for now. Ladies, if we put this verse into practice, I mean really put this verse into practice, our lives are going to get much better. We’re going to get our eyes off ourselves—from “woe is me” to “who is he”? People’s opinions are going to be just that—opinions. And our suffering is going to be nothing compared to Jesus’.
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:2, 3
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus…
Back when I was going to Lamaze classes getting ready for David to be born (I didn’t have to go when I had Laura. Breathing correctly would not have done any good with her delivery, but that is another story in and of itself) I was told to bring a picture or something else I could look at, to “fix my eyes” on to distract myself from the pain. (Those of you who’ve had natural childbirth, know it may be free from medication but it’s definitely not free from pain and no amount of fixing your eyes on anything is going to make the pain go away.) (Melanie you may be different because you had Jarrod. Oh well…). But the concept of fixing our eyes on Jesus is much the same concept.
What does fixing your eyes on Jesus do? It does lessen the pain of what we’re going through. Ladies, my mantra that I don’t frequently share with everyone since it sounds so negative, is “Life is hard and then you die.” I hate to say it, but that is so true and just the way it is with most Christians. I once heard of a Christian woman who was a fine woman who knew the Bible backwards and forwards but had no influence because she had never suffered. God knows that the only way we’re going to walk closely to Him, is to be tested in the furnace of affliction, i.e. suffer.
Fixing our eyes on Jesus also makes us stop watching the winds and the waves. You all know the story so I’m not going to repeat it. But when Peter took his eyes off Jesus, when he was walking on the water, he began to sink when he saw the winds and the waves. My sisters, from my own personal experience (yours may be different from mine; I hope it is) MY OWN BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN THE LORD HAVE BEEN THE WINDS AND THE WAVES. Satan knows if we keep our eyes on each other, we’ll never be able to fix our eyes on HIM, who is able to keep us from growing weary and losing heart. And that is exactly what Satan wants. Satan is a murderer and a liar and his only intention is to kill. He wants our spiritual death. He does not want us to have the life that is truly life—the life of life and peace.
Fixing our eyes on Jesus puts our suffering into perspective. Can I really compare my suffering with Jesus’ suffering? All I have to do is to read Philippians 2:5-8 and Isaiah 53 to get just an inkling of how much Jesus suffered. And all I have to do to get a visual image of how much Jesus suffered is to watch the move The Passion. I had no idea how bad it was going to be. I cannot imagine how I would have felt had been there in person. Would I have been hurling insults to? And can I really realize that it was because of ME that he suffered?
I could go on and on about what I’ve learned about “fix your eyes on Jesus,” but this is enough for now. Ladies, if we put this verse into practice, I mean really put this verse into practice, our lives are going to get much better. We’re going to get our eyes off ourselves—from “woe is me” to “who is he”? People’s opinions are going to be just that—opinions. And our suffering is going to be nothing compared to Jesus’.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Molly's thoughts on judging, based on Romans 8:1
The following is a letter written by Molly Geralds, who happens to be Amy Hughes' sister, that I asked her to write when she and I were talking about judging this week. Her comments and her heart made such an impression on me that I asked her to put her thoughts into words and I would share them with the rest of the group. Molly, you did a great job! Your letter came at the perfect time.
A few weeks ago, the Lord showed me that I had some wrong attitudes and characteristics that I needed to overcome. Judging and condemning were among those.
As I started working on these, I knew that my mind had to stay very aware of my attitudes for any change to take place. I must say, to go about my everyday life and try NOT to have an opinion about people or situations was not an easy task. I prayed a lot for God’s help, because this was not something I could do on my own.
When I started looking at people as just people, instead of my opinion about them, (or situations) I noticed this ‘tension’ inside me start to relax. I was immediately a lot less bothered by what they thought about me, because I was not thinking anything negative or critical about them. It was kind of free-ing. My everyday life was starting to become more joyful and happy. I was finding myself smiling a lot and being extra-nice to people I once had some sort of grudge against. None of this has been easy, though. It takes a lot of effort and hard work on my part to wake up and face my day in this whole new way.
When I do fall short (and I do a lot) I am so aware of it now and can get ‘back on track’ easier than I thought possible. Recently when someone criticized me and said something about me that I didn’t like (or agree with) I felt a lot of tension within me and felt like crying. Within minutes, I was made aware that I did not have to ‘dwell on this feeling’. I had the power within me to rise above this ‘judgment’ and not let it get to me that way. I fought back the tears and reminded myself that this person was not my judge. I did not HAVE to let them get to me. I immediately ‘cast out’ any judgment or criticism about this person and why they said it, or even what they meant by it. All of a sudden, I was in a better mood and even smiled, because I had overcome this particular incident.
Like I said, none of this is easy and I realize now that this is a process and it takes time. Little by little I am making improvement every day.
It really is a great way to live. I am enjoying my life a whole bunch more. I find myself praying for the very individuals that used to be ‘problems’ for me. Let me tell you, it’s kind of hard to be critical of someone you’ve just asked God to bless. I do a lot of praying. (emphasis mine)
My life is so much better now that I really know there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Please pray for me and my efforts as I continue to be challenged every day.
Your sister,
Molly Geralds
A few weeks ago, the Lord showed me that I had some wrong attitudes and characteristics that I needed to overcome. Judging and condemning were among those.
As I started working on these, I knew that my mind had to stay very aware of my attitudes for any change to take place. I must say, to go about my everyday life and try NOT to have an opinion about people or situations was not an easy task. I prayed a lot for God’s help, because this was not something I could do on my own.
When I started looking at people as just people, instead of my opinion about them, (or situations) I noticed this ‘tension’ inside me start to relax. I was immediately a lot less bothered by what they thought about me, because I was not thinking anything negative or critical about them. It was kind of free-ing. My everyday life was starting to become more joyful and happy. I was finding myself smiling a lot and being extra-nice to people I once had some sort of grudge against. None of this has been easy, though. It takes a lot of effort and hard work on my part to wake up and face my day in this whole new way.
When I do fall short (and I do a lot) I am so aware of it now and can get ‘back on track’ easier than I thought possible. Recently when someone criticized me and said something about me that I didn’t like (or agree with) I felt a lot of tension within me and felt like crying. Within minutes, I was made aware that I did not have to ‘dwell on this feeling’. I had the power within me to rise above this ‘judgment’ and not let it get to me that way. I fought back the tears and reminded myself that this person was not my judge. I did not HAVE to let them get to me. I immediately ‘cast out’ any judgment or criticism about this person and why they said it, or even what they meant by it. All of a sudden, I was in a better mood and even smiled, because I had overcome this particular incident.
Like I said, none of this is easy and I realize now that this is a process and it takes time. Little by little I am making improvement every day.
It really is a great way to live. I am enjoying my life a whole bunch more. I find myself praying for the very individuals that used to be ‘problems’ for me. Let me tell you, it’s kind of hard to be critical of someone you’ve just asked God to bless. I do a lot of praying. (emphasis mine)
My life is so much better now that I really know there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. Please pray for me and my efforts as I continue to be challenged every day.
Your sister,
Molly Geralds
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Romans 8:1 Thursday "Washing Feet"
Several years ago I used to teach larger classes than I have in the immediate past, involving maybe 35-40 women. In one of these such classes I was teaching a class on humility and thought Jesus’ example of washing feet would be the most appropriate way I could teach it and felt I had Jesus’ permission to do so, since he said to the apostles “Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them” when he washed their feet. Yes, I know that washing feet is basically an unheard of practice in churches of Christ, but I do remember hearing my father-in-law say that the reason his church practiced foot-washing was because it did, indeed, teach humility. So, it was with good intentions, a sincere heart and Jesus’ example that we washed feet.
We sat in circles of twelve women with a pitcher and bowl in the middle of each circle. My husband had built a large cross, not just for this class but for another, which I also had in the room and I believe I had a scripture tape playing also. The lights were off. I believe I brought oil lamps from home to light the room. I made it a point to state from the very first if this violates anyone’s conscience at all, it will not offend me or anyone else if you want to leave the room. I also recommended they go to the restroom if they needed to take their hose off and when they came back we would get started. One woman per circle filled their pitcher with water.
I joined a group on my own and the foot washing began. One woman in each circle started to wash the next woman’s feet. And on and on around the circle it went until each woman’s feet were washed. I saw with my own eyes, women’s expressions change from being “normal” to being humble. I did, indeed, see what my father-in-law said would happen, happen, as a result of washing each other’s feet. Some of the women told me after leaving class that they had always looked at foot washing from the “let-me-wash-your-feet” perspective, but never from the now-wash-my-feet sort of way. It was much more humbling, which was something they never expected, but something they would never forget. And I agree.
There was no way I could have anticipated the fall-out from this one class. To the people who had directly participated, the class was wonderful. Apparently the trouble came from those who had only heard about it. How they heard never bothered me. It just didn’t matter. How I was treated did.
The first thing that happened that showed me the extent of the problem was when I received an anonymous hate letter. Yes, it was anonymous, had been written on a typewriter and had no return address. It was a rather long letter that contained lots of scripture from both the Old and New Testaments, remarks about traditions and how in all their years of being in the church of Christ they had never ever heard of a church of Christ that practiced foot washing. That they had been out of the country and all over the United States and they had never heard of anything like this before in the church of Christ. That they couldn’t believe I had done something like this. That I, once again, was trying to split the church and that it sounded just like something Teresa Kimbel would do. The letter was not signed and I had no idea who might have sent it. I was devastated. I read the letter over and over again wondering who had written it and what I should do.
For weeks I grieved. I had no idea who I had offended, especially to this degree and since the person writing it had written it anonymously, I had no way of apologizing directly to him or her. All I could think about for weeks was what I had done, who I had offended, what should I do, who could I talk to. I looked at everyone suspiciously, wondering if they were the ones I had offended. I was remorseful. I was hurt. I was angry. I was offended. I was gutted with emotion. I tried to forget it; I couldn’t. I was in angst.
This is what happened next. One Sunday morning I overheard a good friend of mine (she and I were standing in the kitchen at church) say something that sounded exactly like a phrase that had been written in the letter. It was practically word-for-word what I had read. I asked her who had said it and she told me who. What should I do? What should I do? I didn’t know. Even though I knew the man and woman, for several more days I didn’t have the courage to confront. I thought what do I do? What do I say? What if they know nothing about what I’m saying? Will they be offended? Should I go myself? How will I respond if they attack me again, if indeed they were the ones that wrote the letter? I talked to my husband, who, I believe, was a deacon at the time, about what he thought I should do and he told me to forget it. It would take care of itself, but for me to do what I felt like I had to do. So I did.
I remember it was in the summer and he had gone fishing. I was driving down the street wondering what I should do, trying to get my courage up to go talk to them—my heart beating a mile-a-minute. I prayed. I asked for courage. I asked for God’s advice. “Please speak to me.” And He did.
First of all, I wanted to go in peace, so I went and bought a peace plant—a peace lily. Surely they would know I was coming in peace, not in anger and it would be something I could hold onto when I went to the door. Hopefully they would accept it in the spirit it was given.
The door opened and Mr. _____ came to the door. So did his wife. I told them hi and asked if I could come in. He said yes and I said I needed to apologize if I had offended them. I handed Mr. ____ the peace plant hoping he knew I was sincere in coming. They acted surprised that I had actually come to their house, and told me it was not them, when I asked if they were the ones who wrote the letter. They told me that foot washing was something they had never heard of in the church of Christ and couldn’t believe I had done it. We continued to talk for quite a long while and I knew, even if they weren’t the ones I had offended, they were offended. I begged and begged them to tell me if they had written the letter, which they constantly denied. And they assured me they would, if they had. Let me add, that this was the wife I had had lunch with one day, who had told me something she had sworn she would not tell, and that she would deny having told me, if anyone found out. Because of that I had my doubts that they were telling me the truth. I figured if she had told me she would lie then, she might be lying now.
We talked about foot washing and they admitted they had never heard of any church of Christ that had ever washed feet. That he had been in the military, all over the nation, and it was unheard of in the churches of Christ. They told me that Jesus only washed feet because their feet were dirty back then from wearing sandals and that we didn’t wear sandals like that today so there was no need to wash each other’s feet. That it was the equivalent of letting someone spend the night with you or shaking someone’s hand.
They asked me if I would just accept anything in the church. They compared foot washing to handling snakes and asked me if someone wanted to handle snakes would I let them. I told them yes, that I would let them, even though I didn’t agree with it. That I felt like God would take care of them; if they wanted to handle snakes I’d let them. Do I believe we should all handle snakes? No not at all. The point I was trying to make was that I’m not the church police. That I don’t have to answer for everyone else’s decisions, even the ones I disagree with.
One thing led to another and finally the conversation led to the fact that I own a Jaguar. I told them that the sole reason I taught the class was to teach humility. He then replied by asking me if I really believed I could teach a lesson on humility and own a Jaguar. How could I possibly own a Jaguar and teach a class on humility? I saw that anything I said was going to be misconstrued and would only solidify their negative opinion against me. So, I left with them reassuring me they had not been the ones who wrote the letter.
Even though I felt deep within my heart that the foot washing was not wrong, I knew I had to make a public confession asking forgiveness if anyone had been offended, so I could get on with my life and have some peace of mind. This is basically the apology I wrote to the congregation that I asked my husband to read; I can’t remember the exact date.
“On June 5, 1994 I taught a ladies Bible class where we washed each other’s feet. I received an anonymous hate letter in the mail from someone I offended. I never intended to hurt or offend anyone. If I did, I apologize and ask your forgiveness.”
I had made numerous attempts to write what I felt like needed to be said. Each time I wrote more, I realized less was better. Afterwards I heard one of our members say that this was the only way this was going to be taken care of. I felt there was much more she wanted to say and wondered what her interpretation of this was.
I want you to know I’ve been judged and condemned many times but this was the most severe. Never in a million years would I have intentionally done something I thought was unscriptural or ask anyone else to either. I’ve made many, many responses, especially when I was younger, for things I’ve done that have been misinterpreted, misrepresented or misunderstood.
Here are some things I need to say.
1)If A offends you, don’t go to C and tell her; go straight to A immediately--preferably before the sun goes down.
2)Go to the person who offended you in a spirit of love, not in a spirit of anger. My mother-in-law says that anyone will accept practically anything you say, if you say it with tears in your eyes.
3)Ask yourself if you really want to have a relationship with this person or if you just want to spread rumors. Do you want reconciliation or retaliation?
4)Don’t gossip. “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.” (We just like to munch on that juicy, tasty gossip. Don't we?) “A gossip separates close friends.” “Without gossip a quarrel dies down.”
5)Ask yourself why this person offends you. I have been told, and have found it to be true myself—that that which offends me in others is that which I hate in myself. I was complaining about the size of someone else’s house one day and Chuck Miller, my Bible class teacher I respected greatly said, “Maybe it’s because you own a big house or you want a big house.” He got my attention and he was right. And let me add, with regard to foot-washing. If foot-washing is a problem for you, have you done a pride-check lately—not a price-check, but a pride-check? You might want to; maybe we all should. If you have a problem with people who own Jaguars, do you have a problem with greed or envy?
6)Don’t judge. Don’t condemn. Who are you to judge another man’s servant?
7)Should someone come to you with gossip, ask them if they mind you going to the person being gossiped about with the information they just gave you. Or better yet, ask them if they would like to go with you to talk to the person, so things could be worked out between the two of you.
In John 21 where Jesus asks Peter if he loves him three times, he also tells Peter something else. He tells Peter when he is old he will stretch out his hands and someone else will dress and lead him, where he doesn’t want to go, implying Peter’s death. Peter then looks at John and asks Jesus “Lord, what about him?” to which Jesus replies, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?” And then Jesus tells Peter what we all need to hear, “You must follow me.” In other words, Jesus says, “Just worry about you, Peter. And I’ll take care of John.” And then, just like what happens now, rumors among the brothers spread because of this very conversation.
When we judge or condemn each other, we don’t do it in a vacuum. Everyone around us gets hurt. Listen to what Jesus tells the leaders who believed in him, but wouldn’t confess it, because they feared they’d be put out of the synagogue. “As for the person who hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge him. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save it. There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; that very word which I spoke will condemn him at the last day.” John 12:47
Jesus said he did not come to judge the world, he came to save it, TO THE LEADERS WHO WOULD NOT CONFESS THEY BELIEVED IN HIM. Don't you think if anyone ever could have been judmental and condemning that Jesus should have been here? But he wasn't. And don't you think it's rather ironic, given the reason I wrote this article, that Jesus said he didn't come to judge, right in the same passage where he washed the disciple's feet? Interesting, isn't it?
We sat in circles of twelve women with a pitcher and bowl in the middle of each circle. My husband had built a large cross, not just for this class but for another, which I also had in the room and I believe I had a scripture tape playing also. The lights were off. I believe I brought oil lamps from home to light the room. I made it a point to state from the very first if this violates anyone’s conscience at all, it will not offend me or anyone else if you want to leave the room. I also recommended they go to the restroom if they needed to take their hose off and when they came back we would get started. One woman per circle filled their pitcher with water.
I joined a group on my own and the foot washing began. One woman in each circle started to wash the next woman’s feet. And on and on around the circle it went until each woman’s feet were washed. I saw with my own eyes, women’s expressions change from being “normal” to being humble. I did, indeed, see what my father-in-law said would happen, happen, as a result of washing each other’s feet. Some of the women told me after leaving class that they had always looked at foot washing from the “let-me-wash-your-feet” perspective, but never from the now-wash-my-feet sort of way. It was much more humbling, which was something they never expected, but something they would never forget. And I agree.
There was no way I could have anticipated the fall-out from this one class. To the people who had directly participated, the class was wonderful. Apparently the trouble came from those who had only heard about it. How they heard never bothered me. It just didn’t matter. How I was treated did.
The first thing that happened that showed me the extent of the problem was when I received an anonymous hate letter. Yes, it was anonymous, had been written on a typewriter and had no return address. It was a rather long letter that contained lots of scripture from both the Old and New Testaments, remarks about traditions and how in all their years of being in the church of Christ they had never ever heard of a church of Christ that practiced foot washing. That they had been out of the country and all over the United States and they had never heard of anything like this before in the church of Christ. That they couldn’t believe I had done something like this. That I, once again, was trying to split the church and that it sounded just like something Teresa Kimbel would do. The letter was not signed and I had no idea who might have sent it. I was devastated. I read the letter over and over again wondering who had written it and what I should do.
For weeks I grieved. I had no idea who I had offended, especially to this degree and since the person writing it had written it anonymously, I had no way of apologizing directly to him or her. All I could think about for weeks was what I had done, who I had offended, what should I do, who could I talk to. I looked at everyone suspiciously, wondering if they were the ones I had offended. I was remorseful. I was hurt. I was angry. I was offended. I was gutted with emotion. I tried to forget it; I couldn’t. I was in angst.
This is what happened next. One Sunday morning I overheard a good friend of mine (she and I were standing in the kitchen at church) say something that sounded exactly like a phrase that had been written in the letter. It was practically word-for-word what I had read. I asked her who had said it and she told me who. What should I do? What should I do? I didn’t know. Even though I knew the man and woman, for several more days I didn’t have the courage to confront. I thought what do I do? What do I say? What if they know nothing about what I’m saying? Will they be offended? Should I go myself? How will I respond if they attack me again, if indeed they were the ones that wrote the letter? I talked to my husband, who, I believe, was a deacon at the time, about what he thought I should do and he told me to forget it. It would take care of itself, but for me to do what I felt like I had to do. So I did.
I remember it was in the summer and he had gone fishing. I was driving down the street wondering what I should do, trying to get my courage up to go talk to them—my heart beating a mile-a-minute. I prayed. I asked for courage. I asked for God’s advice. “Please speak to me.” And He did.
First of all, I wanted to go in peace, so I went and bought a peace plant—a peace lily. Surely they would know I was coming in peace, not in anger and it would be something I could hold onto when I went to the door. Hopefully they would accept it in the spirit it was given.
The door opened and Mr. _____ came to the door. So did his wife. I told them hi and asked if I could come in. He said yes and I said I needed to apologize if I had offended them. I handed Mr. ____ the peace plant hoping he knew I was sincere in coming. They acted surprised that I had actually come to their house, and told me it was not them, when I asked if they were the ones who wrote the letter. They told me that foot washing was something they had never heard of in the church of Christ and couldn’t believe I had done it. We continued to talk for quite a long while and I knew, even if they weren’t the ones I had offended, they were offended. I begged and begged them to tell me if they had written the letter, which they constantly denied. And they assured me they would, if they had. Let me add, that this was the wife I had had lunch with one day, who had told me something she had sworn she would not tell, and that she would deny having told me, if anyone found out. Because of that I had my doubts that they were telling me the truth. I figured if she had told me she would lie then, she might be lying now.
We talked about foot washing and they admitted they had never heard of any church of Christ that had ever washed feet. That he had been in the military, all over the nation, and it was unheard of in the churches of Christ. They told me that Jesus only washed feet because their feet were dirty back then from wearing sandals and that we didn’t wear sandals like that today so there was no need to wash each other’s feet. That it was the equivalent of letting someone spend the night with you or shaking someone’s hand.
They asked me if I would just accept anything in the church. They compared foot washing to handling snakes and asked me if someone wanted to handle snakes would I let them. I told them yes, that I would let them, even though I didn’t agree with it. That I felt like God would take care of them; if they wanted to handle snakes I’d let them. Do I believe we should all handle snakes? No not at all. The point I was trying to make was that I’m not the church police. That I don’t have to answer for everyone else’s decisions, even the ones I disagree with.
One thing led to another and finally the conversation led to the fact that I own a Jaguar. I told them that the sole reason I taught the class was to teach humility. He then replied by asking me if I really believed I could teach a lesson on humility and own a Jaguar. How could I possibly own a Jaguar and teach a class on humility? I saw that anything I said was going to be misconstrued and would only solidify their negative opinion against me. So, I left with them reassuring me they had not been the ones who wrote the letter.
Even though I felt deep within my heart that the foot washing was not wrong, I knew I had to make a public confession asking forgiveness if anyone had been offended, so I could get on with my life and have some peace of mind. This is basically the apology I wrote to the congregation that I asked my husband to read; I can’t remember the exact date.
“On June 5, 1994 I taught a ladies Bible class where we washed each other’s feet. I received an anonymous hate letter in the mail from someone I offended. I never intended to hurt or offend anyone. If I did, I apologize and ask your forgiveness.”
I had made numerous attempts to write what I felt like needed to be said. Each time I wrote more, I realized less was better. Afterwards I heard one of our members say that this was the only way this was going to be taken care of. I felt there was much more she wanted to say and wondered what her interpretation of this was.
I want you to know I’ve been judged and condemned many times but this was the most severe. Never in a million years would I have intentionally done something I thought was unscriptural or ask anyone else to either. I’ve made many, many responses, especially when I was younger, for things I’ve done that have been misinterpreted, misrepresented or misunderstood.
Here are some things I need to say.
1)If A offends you, don’t go to C and tell her; go straight to A immediately--preferably before the sun goes down.
2)Go to the person who offended you in a spirit of love, not in a spirit of anger. My mother-in-law says that anyone will accept practically anything you say, if you say it with tears in your eyes.
3)Ask yourself if you really want to have a relationship with this person or if you just want to spread rumors. Do you want reconciliation or retaliation?
4)Don’t gossip. “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.” (We just like to munch on that juicy, tasty gossip. Don't we?) “A gossip separates close friends.” “Without gossip a quarrel dies down.”
5)Ask yourself why this person offends you. I have been told, and have found it to be true myself—that that which offends me in others is that which I hate in myself. I was complaining about the size of someone else’s house one day and Chuck Miller, my Bible class teacher I respected greatly said, “Maybe it’s because you own a big house or you want a big house.” He got my attention and he was right. And let me add, with regard to foot-washing. If foot-washing is a problem for you, have you done a pride-check lately—not a price-check, but a pride-check? You might want to; maybe we all should. If you have a problem with people who own Jaguars, do you have a problem with greed or envy?
6)Don’t judge. Don’t condemn. Who are you to judge another man’s servant?
7)Should someone come to you with gossip, ask them if they mind you going to the person being gossiped about with the information they just gave you. Or better yet, ask them if they would like to go with you to talk to the person, so things could be worked out between the two of you.
In John 21 where Jesus asks Peter if he loves him three times, he also tells Peter something else. He tells Peter when he is old he will stretch out his hands and someone else will dress and lead him, where he doesn’t want to go, implying Peter’s death. Peter then looks at John and asks Jesus “Lord, what about him?” to which Jesus replies, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?” And then Jesus tells Peter what we all need to hear, “You must follow me.” In other words, Jesus says, “Just worry about you, Peter. And I’ll take care of John.” And then, just like what happens now, rumors among the brothers spread because of this very conversation.
When we judge or condemn each other, we don’t do it in a vacuum. Everyone around us gets hurt. Listen to what Jesus tells the leaders who believed in him, but wouldn’t confess it, because they feared they’d be put out of the synagogue. “As for the person who hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge him. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save it. There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; that very word which I spoke will condemn him at the last day.” John 12:47
Jesus said he did not come to judge the world, he came to save it, TO THE LEADERS WHO WOULD NOT CONFESS THEY BELIEVED IN HIM. Don't you think if anyone ever could have been judmental and condemning that Jesus should have been here? But he wasn't. And don't you think it's rather ironic, given the reason I wrote this article, that Jesus said he didn't come to judge, right in the same passage where he washed the disciple's feet? Interesting, isn't it?
Romans 8:1 Wednesday
This week's Weekly Forum Question was "Have you ever been judged or condemned of something unjustly? How did it make you feel?" This is Geneva Brewer's answer, which I think is worth repeating. It shows the range of emotions a person feels when accused of something unjustly and the effects gossip has on the innocent. Thanks, Geneva for giving us this glimpse into your situation that many of us have experienced also.
I recently found out that I had been forgiven for something that I did not do one year ago. The person really had forgiven me, and told me such, but the situation had not happened in the way it had been reported..(some may say gossiped instead of reported).There was a very strange set of feelings that came with this knowledge.
1. Thankful, that I had been forgiven of a percieved wrong.
2. Confused, as to why this person was telling me a year later and why I didn't find out about it one year ago.
3. Grieving, that I don't have a good enough reputation and rapport with brothers or sisters in my own congregation that they wouldn't give me the benefit of a doubt that arises, didn't have a good enough spirit that people would think they missed something or didn't have the whole story....instead of putting the worst possible scenario to it.
4. Bound, by a lack of knowledge as to who I could go to to and explain the situation..I guess to defend myself.
5. Insecure, when I realized that someone that probably sees me all the time, thinks I did something very wrong and is "OK" with just letting me do it and did not come to me in love....
6. Scared, that maybe I give off the aura that I don't want to make any improvements in my Christian walk, knowing someone or people are comfortable leaving me to my own pathetic schemes and devices.
7. Wondering, who I may have done this same type of thing to..
8. Convicted when I thought of some...
9. Grateful, that my Lord knows my heart!
10. Impatient for Heaven!
I recently found out that I had been forgiven for something that I did not do one year ago. The person really had forgiven me, and told me such, but the situation had not happened in the way it had been reported..(some may say gossiped instead of reported).There was a very strange set of feelings that came with this knowledge.
1. Thankful, that I had been forgiven of a percieved wrong.
2. Confused, as to why this person was telling me a year later and why I didn't find out about it one year ago.
3. Grieving, that I don't have a good enough reputation and rapport with brothers or sisters in my own congregation that they wouldn't give me the benefit of a doubt that arises, didn't have a good enough spirit that people would think they missed something or didn't have the whole story....instead of putting the worst possible scenario to it.
4. Bound, by a lack of knowledge as to who I could go to to and explain the situation..I guess to defend myself.
5. Insecure, when I realized that someone that probably sees me all the time, thinks I did something very wrong and is "OK" with just letting me do it and did not come to me in love....
6. Scared, that maybe I give off the aura that I don't want to make any improvements in my Christian walk, knowing someone or people are comfortable leaving me to my own pathetic schemes and devices.
7. Wondering, who I may have done this same type of thing to..
8. Convicted when I thought of some...
9. Grateful, that my Lord knows my heart!
10. Impatient for Heaven!
Romans 8:1 Tuesday "Wal Mart"
Okay, so when I gave us the assignment not to judge, not to condemn I guess I didn’t have going to Wal Mart in mind and I really didn’t think about judging anybody except within the church, church to church and individual to individual. I really don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I thought it would be easy for me not to judge anyone while staying at home alone all day. :)
Anyway, I had to go to the chiropractor today at 2:45, so I decided I would swing by Merle Norman afterwards and have a facial (free of charge, which I try to do once a week because my face is oiler than a teenagers), which meant I would have to leave my make-up off. It really doesn’t bother me not to wear any make-up as much as it bothers the people who have to look at me without any make-up on. Anyway, I called Merle Norman and it took Marilyn forever to answer the phone which told me she was extremely busy. She answered in a huff, telling me she had already done seven today and had two more coming. (Problem #1) I knew my answer before I even asked which made this the first thing that should have warned me about how my day would go. So I decided to go to Wal Mart to buy a rotisserie chicken to take home for supper, since Phil has an elder’s meeting, which he has every-other Monday night. The first thing that happens when I get to Wal Mart is I get the best parking place right in front of the greenhouse, forgetting that everything I needed was on the other side of the store. So I walk in anyway thinking I’m not going to be there long and I could use the exercise. At this point it’s around 3:15. I proceed to get sidetracked and looked at some pre-school to kindergarten books that might be appropriate for the refugees that I teach on Saturdays and I picked one up that was perfect, threw it in my cart and headed to get the Oreos my husband wanted to take to the elder’s meeting. After getting the Oreos, I picked up some spray whipping cream to put on top of my iced coffee I make that’s as good as Starbucks, looked at the yogurt that I didn’t buy because it was made with sugar and meandered over to the deli where I saw there were no chickens except the ones still going up-and-down on the rotisserie thing. Through all the people in front of me who were standing there waiting to get their chicken fingers I asked rather loudly when the chickens would be ready. The guy behind the counter didn’t hear me so the woman in front of me politely asked the question for me. I thought how kind of her. He told her that they wouldn’t be ready for about 18 minutes, which the lady standing in front of me told me also, because she could see the timer. He said that he would have to check them, in about 18 minutes to see if they were done, and then determine if they were done enough to sell. (Problem #2) I told him I would be back in around 20 minutes. If you’ve spent very much time at Wal Mart you know that’s no problem. I knew I could go over to the next zip code and that, in-and-of-itself, would kill 20 minutes. I proceeded to look at the plates like the ones I had given my daughter-in-law Kelly and decided to buy at least 8 for eating desserts on while we play bridge, and thought I should have bought 12 since we sometimes have 3 tables, but didn’t. I looked at the T-shirts, wondered if I really needed one, and had one of my sinking spells. (Problem #3) I got out my hand sanitizer, found my glucose pills and popped 4 in my mouth one right after the other. I continued to walk over to the Kodak film developing place where you can develop your own pictures. I noticed it didn’t look like it worked but put my card in anyway. (Problem #4) The girl standing next to me who was developing her own pictures, never told me it didn’t work even though I later found out she knew all along. She just let me stand there looking like an idiot. (Problem #5) She told me it wouldn’t be long before I could use the one she was using—that she was only developing 9 pictures. So I waited. After waiting about ten minutes the machine spit out her last picture and a warning came up that the machine was out of tape, to call the attendant. (Problem #6) So I left. By this time only about fifteen minutes of my twenty has probably gone by, so I believe I have enough time to go get the frozen grape juice I had been reminding myself to buy by saying grape juice, grape juice, grape juice over and over again in my head. I got the frozen grape juice and started back to the deli. Getting sidetracked by the pork roasts and chicken (I forgot to say that I had called my daughter sometime in the middle of all this and asked her what the box looked like that had the orange chicken in it that she and Clinton liked and she told me it was the one I was holding in my hand.) So, I decided to look at the pork roasts and the chickens as well, so I could make the pork tenderloin and cherry wine sauce along with the orange chicken Laura and Clinton liked so much. (Problem #6) It was then that I proceeded to the deli. I walked up to the counter expecting to buy the rotisserie chicken I had killed 20 minutes over, only to find there WERE NONE IN THE WINDOW. I looked at the two guys behind the counter and practically yelled at them, “Do you not have any chickens?” And they proceeded to tell me that they had ALL BEEN SOLD ALREADY except one they had in the back that was a backyard grilled chicken. (Problem #7) “How many did you have to sell?” I asked. “Eight,” he said. I said, “Eight, did you sell all eight to the same person?” He said, “No at least eight people came buy and bought one.” I put my hands on my head, grabbed my scalp and grunted loud enough everyone around me could hear it. I made a snarling sound out loud, shook my hands in my hair and said, “What do the backyard grilled chickens taste like?” And they scowled but did say they all tasted the same if you pulled the skin off of them, except the lemon pepper ones and they certainly didn’t like that kind. “Oh great,” I thought. (Problem #8)
I grabbed the backyard grilled rotisserie chicken I had killed twenty minutes over, but didn’t want and started to the check-out line. Knowing I was on the wrong side of the store anyway, I decided to go to the other side of the store that was closest to my car to check out in anyway and chose the line I would check out in. I was the third person in line believing it would be a rather quick check-out, so I waited and I waited, patiently at first, but then not so patiently. I had picked the line where the lady, two in front of me, had to have a price check, which happens to either me or my husband everytime we go there. (Problem #9) I saw the expression on the lady’s face and knew it was going to be a while before she was going to be finished so I decided to go to Goldie’s line. (Problem #10) Years ago I was listening to a radio station that was having people call in to tell them their most embarrassing moment. My most embarrassing moment had involved Goldie. One day Goldie was checking me out when I noticed a black mark on her cheek right under her eye, and I felt like I needed to tell her she needed to see a dermatologist that it looked cancerous. So I asked her if she had ever seen a dermatologist and she told me no, that she had penciled it on that morning. I felt so crazy and wanted to crawl under the check-out counter. I laugh now thinking about it, but then I wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there. So, here I find myself in Goldie’s line again. Bless her heart, Goldie doesn’t get in a hurry for anybody, much less the woman who told her she needed to see a doctor for the mole she had penciled on that morning. She slowly, slowly, slowly, checked out the woman in front of me, who proceeded to give her a check that the cash register ATE, (Problem #11) slowing down the process even further. She looked at the machine, opened the machine and finally got it to spit it out, but not with anything on it.(Problem #12) So, Goldie had to write the amount on the check, give it back to the woman so she could sign it and then bag up her groceries. By this time I’ve been in Wal Mart forty-five minutes longer than I had expected and had thought about asking the Titus 2 Group not to judge at least a hundred times. I asked Goldie if she had ever hummed the same song over-and-over again and told her I had been humming the same song for over an hour and even hummed it for her to see if she knew what I was humming. She told me she had hummed the same song over-and-over again, but didn’t recognize what I was humming. (I was humming “That’s All” which is an old song that I listen to that’s on a CD I have of Rod Stewarts. It starts out, “I could only give you love that lasts forever…” Some of you have probably heard it.) Anyway, bless her heart if I were Goldie’s age I would probably be slower than she is, but she took forever to bag my groceries. One of the reasons she took forever was because I had forgotten I had bought the eight plates I was going to serve desserts on while we were playing Bridge (Problem #13) and I knew in the first place that it was going to take her forever, when I saw it was her, so it was really my fault that I was standing there having to wait on her in the first place. So she had to individually wrap each of the eight plates so I wouldn’t break them when I put them in the car. (Problem #14) I talked to her about teaching English as a second language to the Burmese refugees on Saturdays just to pass the time and calm me down because I’ve given this assignment to the Titus 2 Group NOT TO CONDEMN OR JUDGE and I am failing the test badly. She gets everything bagged. I give her my check. She says “Bye sweetie.” And I’m on my way. I think.
I push my buggy and head straight for the door when “Mr. Wiggins” gets in front of me who is a “Mr. Wiggins” with an odor. (Problems #15 & 16) For those of us over 50, Mr. Wiggins was a regular on the Carol Burnett show who walked at a snail’s pace. It took him forever to walk across the floor and now I was behind him at Wal Mart. I didn’t have enough room to go around him. I couldn’t get away from his odor, so I walked at the pace he was walking, held my breath and headed out the door…. fifty minutes after calling my husband to tell him I was going to kill some time waiting for the chicken to get done.
Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! How I was put to the test! Obviously I failed it or I wouldn’t be writing this story. It was amazing how many times I was given the opportunity to judge and condemn--one right after the other. It was like Satan was throwing people my way waiting to see what I was going to do with them. Was I going to smile and go on or judge and condemn? Ladies, I will have to give myself credit for something-- giving us this assignment did help me not to absolutely lose it. I could have. And probably would have if I hadn’t told myself not to judge.
Isn’t it amazing when we try to make ourselves do something good, Satan immediately puts us to the test trying to make something bad out of it? I hope today has been easy for you; I really do. But ladies, obviously it hasn’t been for me. I am so thankful that tomorrow is another day and his mercies are new every morning. I know after today, I need all the mercy I can get. And I’m soooooooooooooo glad I’m not condemned, even after today.
Anyway, I had to go to the chiropractor today at 2:45, so I decided I would swing by Merle Norman afterwards and have a facial (free of charge, which I try to do once a week because my face is oiler than a teenagers), which meant I would have to leave my make-up off. It really doesn’t bother me not to wear any make-up as much as it bothers the people who have to look at me without any make-up on. Anyway, I called Merle Norman and it took Marilyn forever to answer the phone which told me she was extremely busy. She answered in a huff, telling me she had already done seven today and had two more coming. (Problem #1) I knew my answer before I even asked which made this the first thing that should have warned me about how my day would go. So I decided to go to Wal Mart to buy a rotisserie chicken to take home for supper, since Phil has an elder’s meeting, which he has every-other Monday night. The first thing that happens when I get to Wal Mart is I get the best parking place right in front of the greenhouse, forgetting that everything I needed was on the other side of the store. So I walk in anyway thinking I’m not going to be there long and I could use the exercise. At this point it’s around 3:15. I proceed to get sidetracked and looked at some pre-school to kindergarten books that might be appropriate for the refugees that I teach on Saturdays and I picked one up that was perfect, threw it in my cart and headed to get the Oreos my husband wanted to take to the elder’s meeting. After getting the Oreos, I picked up some spray whipping cream to put on top of my iced coffee I make that’s as good as Starbucks, looked at the yogurt that I didn’t buy because it was made with sugar and meandered over to the deli where I saw there were no chickens except the ones still going up-and-down on the rotisserie thing. Through all the people in front of me who were standing there waiting to get their chicken fingers I asked rather loudly when the chickens would be ready. The guy behind the counter didn’t hear me so the woman in front of me politely asked the question for me. I thought how kind of her. He told her that they wouldn’t be ready for about 18 minutes, which the lady standing in front of me told me also, because she could see the timer. He said that he would have to check them, in about 18 minutes to see if they were done, and then determine if they were done enough to sell. (Problem #2) I told him I would be back in around 20 minutes. If you’ve spent very much time at Wal Mart you know that’s no problem. I knew I could go over to the next zip code and that, in-and-of-itself, would kill 20 minutes. I proceeded to look at the plates like the ones I had given my daughter-in-law Kelly and decided to buy at least 8 for eating desserts on while we play bridge, and thought I should have bought 12 since we sometimes have 3 tables, but didn’t. I looked at the T-shirts, wondered if I really needed one, and had one of my sinking spells. (Problem #3) I got out my hand sanitizer, found my glucose pills and popped 4 in my mouth one right after the other. I continued to walk over to the Kodak film developing place where you can develop your own pictures. I noticed it didn’t look like it worked but put my card in anyway. (Problem #4) The girl standing next to me who was developing her own pictures, never told me it didn’t work even though I later found out she knew all along. She just let me stand there looking like an idiot. (Problem #5) She told me it wouldn’t be long before I could use the one she was using—that she was only developing 9 pictures. So I waited. After waiting about ten minutes the machine spit out her last picture and a warning came up that the machine was out of tape, to call the attendant. (Problem #6) So I left. By this time only about fifteen minutes of my twenty has probably gone by, so I believe I have enough time to go get the frozen grape juice I had been reminding myself to buy by saying grape juice, grape juice, grape juice over and over again in my head. I got the frozen grape juice and started back to the deli. Getting sidetracked by the pork roasts and chicken (I forgot to say that I had called my daughter sometime in the middle of all this and asked her what the box looked like that had the orange chicken in it that she and Clinton liked and she told me it was the one I was holding in my hand.) So, I decided to look at the pork roasts and the chickens as well, so I could make the pork tenderloin and cherry wine sauce along with the orange chicken Laura and Clinton liked so much. (Problem #6) It was then that I proceeded to the deli. I walked up to the counter expecting to buy the rotisserie chicken I had killed 20 minutes over, only to find there WERE NONE IN THE WINDOW. I looked at the two guys behind the counter and practically yelled at them, “Do you not have any chickens?” And they proceeded to tell me that they had ALL BEEN SOLD ALREADY except one they had in the back that was a backyard grilled chicken. (Problem #7) “How many did you have to sell?” I asked. “Eight,” he said. I said, “Eight, did you sell all eight to the same person?” He said, “No at least eight people came buy and bought one.” I put my hands on my head, grabbed my scalp and grunted loud enough everyone around me could hear it. I made a snarling sound out loud, shook my hands in my hair and said, “What do the backyard grilled chickens taste like?” And they scowled but did say they all tasted the same if you pulled the skin off of them, except the lemon pepper ones and they certainly didn’t like that kind. “Oh great,” I thought. (Problem #8)
I grabbed the backyard grilled rotisserie chicken I had killed twenty minutes over, but didn’t want and started to the check-out line. Knowing I was on the wrong side of the store anyway, I decided to go to the other side of the store that was closest to my car to check out in anyway and chose the line I would check out in. I was the third person in line believing it would be a rather quick check-out, so I waited and I waited, patiently at first, but then not so patiently. I had picked the line where the lady, two in front of me, had to have a price check, which happens to either me or my husband everytime we go there. (Problem #9) I saw the expression on the lady’s face and knew it was going to be a while before she was going to be finished so I decided to go to Goldie’s line. (Problem #10) Years ago I was listening to a radio station that was having people call in to tell them their most embarrassing moment. My most embarrassing moment had involved Goldie. One day Goldie was checking me out when I noticed a black mark on her cheek right under her eye, and I felt like I needed to tell her she needed to see a dermatologist that it looked cancerous. So I asked her if she had ever seen a dermatologist and she told me no, that she had penciled it on that morning. I felt so crazy and wanted to crawl under the check-out counter. I laugh now thinking about it, but then I wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there. So, here I find myself in Goldie’s line again. Bless her heart, Goldie doesn’t get in a hurry for anybody, much less the woman who told her she needed to see a doctor for the mole she had penciled on that morning. She slowly, slowly, slowly, checked out the woman in front of me, who proceeded to give her a check that the cash register ATE, (Problem #11) slowing down the process even further. She looked at the machine, opened the machine and finally got it to spit it out, but not with anything on it.(Problem #12) So, Goldie had to write the amount on the check, give it back to the woman so she could sign it and then bag up her groceries. By this time I’ve been in Wal Mart forty-five minutes longer than I had expected and had thought about asking the Titus 2 Group not to judge at least a hundred times. I asked Goldie if she had ever hummed the same song over-and-over again and told her I had been humming the same song for over an hour and even hummed it for her to see if she knew what I was humming. She told me she had hummed the same song over-and-over again, but didn’t recognize what I was humming. (I was humming “That’s All” which is an old song that I listen to that’s on a CD I have of Rod Stewarts. It starts out, “I could only give you love that lasts forever…” Some of you have probably heard it.) Anyway, bless her heart if I were Goldie’s age I would probably be slower than she is, but she took forever to bag my groceries. One of the reasons she took forever was because I had forgotten I had bought the eight plates I was going to serve desserts on while we were playing Bridge (Problem #13) and I knew in the first place that it was going to take her forever, when I saw it was her, so it was really my fault that I was standing there having to wait on her in the first place. So she had to individually wrap each of the eight plates so I wouldn’t break them when I put them in the car. (Problem #14) I talked to her about teaching English as a second language to the Burmese refugees on Saturdays just to pass the time and calm me down because I’ve given this assignment to the Titus 2 Group NOT TO CONDEMN OR JUDGE and I am failing the test badly. She gets everything bagged. I give her my check. She says “Bye sweetie.” And I’m on my way. I think.
I push my buggy and head straight for the door when “Mr. Wiggins” gets in front of me who is a “Mr. Wiggins” with an odor. (Problems #15 & 16) For those of us over 50, Mr. Wiggins was a regular on the Carol Burnett show who walked at a snail’s pace. It took him forever to walk across the floor and now I was behind him at Wal Mart. I didn’t have enough room to go around him. I couldn’t get away from his odor, so I walked at the pace he was walking, held my breath and headed out the door…. fifty minutes after calling my husband to tell him I was going to kill some time waiting for the chicken to get done.
Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! How I was put to the test! Obviously I failed it or I wouldn’t be writing this story. It was amazing how many times I was given the opportunity to judge and condemn--one right after the other. It was like Satan was throwing people my way waiting to see what I was going to do with them. Was I going to smile and go on or judge and condemn? Ladies, I will have to give myself credit for something-- giving us this assignment did help me not to absolutely lose it. I could have. And probably would have if I hadn’t told myself not to judge.
Isn’t it amazing when we try to make ourselves do something good, Satan immediately puts us to the test trying to make something bad out of it? I hope today has been easy for you; I really do. But ladies, obviously it hasn’t been for me. I am so thankful that tomorrow is another day and his mercies are new every morning. I know after today, I need all the mercy I can get. And I’m soooooooooooooo glad I’m not condemned, even after today.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Romans 8:1 Monday
"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
Tonight in our family group’s home Bible study a spontaneous discussion arose over the differences in congregations and individuals and the judgmental attitudes some of us have had to deal with all our lives. I might add judgmental attitudes that we, ourselves, have had toward others and judgmental attitudes that others have had toward us. Either way, we’ve had to deal with judgmental attitudes most, if not all, our lives.
What if someone told you that you never had to feel judged or be judged the rest of your life? Would you believe it? Would you say, “You’ve got to be kidding.” No, I’m not kidding and Paul wasn’t either.
Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Ask yourself if you believe that. Ask yourself if you WANT to believe that. I believe if we want to believe it, it’s because we ourselves don’t want to stand condemned. But I believe if we don’t want to believe it, it’s because we, ourselves, still want to condemn others.
This week, I want us to not condemn for one week and see what happens. Just don’t condemn anyone, anything, anywhere, at any time, for any reason. Nada. Not all all. And let us know if you make it all week. Let us know if you even make it for one day. If you can't condemn you can't judge. If you can't judge you can't condemn.
Tonight in our family group’s home Bible study a spontaneous discussion arose over the differences in congregations and individuals and the judgmental attitudes some of us have had to deal with all our lives. I might add judgmental attitudes that we, ourselves, have had toward others and judgmental attitudes that others have had toward us. Either way, we’ve had to deal with judgmental attitudes most, if not all, our lives.
What if someone told you that you never had to feel judged or be judged the rest of your life? Would you believe it? Would you say, “You’ve got to be kidding.” No, I’m not kidding and Paul wasn’t either.
Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Ask yourself if you believe that. Ask yourself if you WANT to believe that. I believe if we want to believe it, it’s because we ourselves don’t want to stand condemned. But I believe if we don’t want to believe it, it’s because we, ourselves, still want to condemn others.
This week, I want us to not condemn for one week and see what happens. Just don’t condemn anyone, anything, anywhere, at any time, for any reason. Nada. Not all all. And let us know if you make it all week. Let us know if you even make it for one day. If you can't condemn you can't judge. If you can't judge you can't condemn.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Psalm 46:10 Friday
"Be still and know that I am GOD; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
Here are two simple points I want to make about God, one I heard from our minister, and one that came to me in an ah-ha moment.
1) The Bible does not prove there is a God, it assumes there is a God.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God... Interesting isn't it?
2) When I gave God permission to do nothing, I gave Him permission to do anything.
There was a time in my life I expected more from God than obviously He thought I needed and I couldn't understand why on earth He didn't do more, when I knew He was seeing my pain. It was when He spoke to me through this verse in that ah-ha moment, that the lighbulb came on.
"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6
I realized after seeing this verse with new eyes that God didn't have to do ANYTHING for me. That I had to believe He existed and that He would reward me if I earnestly, or diligently, sought Him. PERIOD. He exists and He rewards. He exists and He rewards. PERIOD. It was then that I gave God permission to do nothing. (I knew He existed and He would reward me.) And when I did, I gave Him permission to do anything. And I've never been disappointed.
Here are two simple points I want to make about God, one I heard from our minister, and one that came to me in an ah-ha moment.
1) The Bible does not prove there is a God, it assumes there is a God.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God... Interesting isn't it?
2) When I gave God permission to do nothing, I gave Him permission to do anything.
There was a time in my life I expected more from God than obviously He thought I needed and I couldn't understand why on earth He didn't do more, when I knew He was seeing my pain. It was when He spoke to me through this verse in that ah-ha moment, that the lighbulb came on.
"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Hebrews 11:6
I realized after seeing this verse with new eyes that God didn't have to do ANYTHING for me. That I had to believe He existed and that He would reward me if I earnestly, or diligently, sought Him. PERIOD. He exists and He rewards. He exists and He rewards. PERIOD. It was then that I gave God permission to do nothing. (I knew He existed and He would reward me.) And when I did, I gave Him permission to do anything. And I've never been disappointed.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Psalm 46:10 Thursday
"Be still and know that I AM God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
Daltrey Tyree's comments she made in response to the meditation based on the word BE on October 5, are so appropriate for today's meditation that I want to use her words instead of my own. Listen to what she says regarding the words "I AM."
"You know, when God introduces himself or describes Himself, he doesn't give a list of all the things he can do. He can make light, He can forgive sins, He can judge, create, destroy, heal, love, forgive. He says "I AM". So it is because HE IS that these things are a part of Him. It is because we belong to the I AM that we can Be in Him. I am so grateful, that there is not a checklist of all the things I have to do to please God. It is what is inside, my thoughts, my heart, my motivation. I think about King David and all the things he did that were messed up, but he was after God's own heart. I am able to be in love with God, who just wants me to "be" with Him. To be with Him.
"But, for me that is so abstract. I run on organization. lists, "to do". I have to schedule time to BE STILL and KNOW or time gets away from me. The more I am with Him, the more I long for our time together. Its reallly cool how that works."
Yes, Daltrey, it's really cool how that works.
Daltrey Tyree's comments she made in response to the meditation based on the word BE on October 5, are so appropriate for today's meditation that I want to use her words instead of my own. Listen to what she says regarding the words "I AM."
"You know, when God introduces himself or describes Himself, he doesn't give a list of all the things he can do. He can make light, He can forgive sins, He can judge, create, destroy, heal, love, forgive. He says "I AM". So it is because HE IS that these things are a part of Him. It is because we belong to the I AM that we can Be in Him. I am so grateful, that there is not a checklist of all the things I have to do to please God. It is what is inside, my thoughts, my heart, my motivation. I think about King David and all the things he did that were messed up, but he was after God's own heart. I am able to be in love with God, who just wants me to "be" with Him. To be with Him.
"But, for me that is so abstract. I run on organization. lists, "to do". I have to schedule time to BE STILL and KNOW or time gets away from me. The more I am with Him, the more I long for our time together. Its reallly cool how that works."
Yes, Daltrey, it's really cool how that works.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Psalm 46:10 Wednesday
"Be still AND KNOW that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
Why does God want me to be still in the first place? Is it just to gain knowledge? No. He wants my knowledge of Him to lead to my exalting Him. Stillness and knowledge are not the goal; they are the means to the goal. If our knowledge of Him is for knowledge’ sake, we become arrogant, exemplifying the verse, “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” Our knowledge of God must result in Him being exalted or we become puffed up and legalistic, exalting ourselves for having the knowledge.
When the twin towers went down on 9/11, I realized the connection between being still and God being exalted. I had never even paid attention to the last part of this verse. But on 9/11 man fleshed this out in the most visible way I’ve ever seen. Man was made to be still, much like the sheep in Psalm 23 who is MADE to lie down in green pastures. And as a result of being still, man’s eyes became focused on God. I’m sure many people came to know Him in a way they had never known before. Albeit it was for a short time, but for a short time God was exalted, his power was manifest and man paid attention.
Why does God want me to be still in the first place? Is it just to gain knowledge? No. He wants my knowledge of Him to lead to my exalting Him. Stillness and knowledge are not the goal; they are the means to the goal. If our knowledge of Him is for knowledge’ sake, we become arrogant, exemplifying the verse, “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” Our knowledge of God must result in Him being exalted or we become puffed up and legalistic, exalting ourselves for having the knowledge.
When the twin towers went down on 9/11, I realized the connection between being still and God being exalted. I had never even paid attention to the last part of this verse. But on 9/11 man fleshed this out in the most visible way I’ve ever seen. Man was made to be still, much like the sheep in Psalm 23 who is MADE to lie down in green pastures. And as a result of being still, man’s eyes became focused on God. I’m sure many people came to know Him in a way they had never known before. Albeit it was for a short time, but for a short time God was exalted, his power was manifest and man paid attention.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Psalm 46:10 Tuesday
"Be STILL and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
I know all of you, at one time or another, have heard the standard lessons on being still--how we need to be still, to meditate, to come to know God. I've taught them many times myself. So today I want us to think about being still from another perspective. What does God want us to BE after we have been STILL?
He tells us to BE salt and light and leaven. Salt and light and leaven do not go anywhere or look for something to do. They are, what they were meant to be; therefore, what they do happens.
I know all of you, at one time or another, have heard the standard lessons on being still--how we need to be still, to meditate, to come to know God. I've taught them many times myself. So today I want us to think about being still from another perspective. What does God want us to BE after we have been STILL?
He tells us to BE salt and light and leaven. Salt and light and leaven do not go anywhere or look for something to do. They are, what they were meant to be; therefore, what they do happens.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Psalm 46:10 Monday
Last month we focused our attention on God. This month I want us to focus our attention on who we are as a result of who God is and what our response should be. The first verse I want us to meditate on, IN MY OPINION, is the most important, but most neglected step, in a Christian's life.
"BE still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
The word for today is BE. Just BE. We are human BE-ings, not human DO-ings. Just BE a Christian. You can DO without BE-ing. But you can't BE without DO-ing.
"BE still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10
The word for today is BE. Just BE. We are human BE-ings, not human DO-ings. Just BE a Christian. You can DO without BE-ing. But you can't BE without DO-ing.
Exodus 34:6 Friday
The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger ABOUNDING IN love AND FAITHFULNESS, Exodus 34:6
Please allow me to share what’s on my heart, that the Spirit is prompting me to write, for three specific reasons. First of all October 4 through October 10 is mental health awareness week and for anyone suffering from a form of mental illness, I think this will give you encouragement to press on. Secondly, I’ve asked each of you to share “your story” with the group so we can get to know each other better and I want you to know part of mine. And thirdly, I want to praise God for his faithfulness to me when I’ve needed to press on and didn’t want to. For those of you who’ve already heard most of this, I apologize in advance for boring you with rehashing my problems but I also want to thank you for being there when I’ve needed you. So I thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
I’ve lived with depression almost my entire life. I know, now, looking back that I suffered from depression even in grade school. I remember sitting at the supper table crying telling my mother I didn’t know why I was crying; I just was. I remember going to Louisville my junior or senior year of High School to perform at the Beta Convention and falling apart for no apparent reason the day of the performance. No. It wasn’t nervous jitters. It was something entirely different, much more serious than a teenager being a teenager, and un-called for. I was a mess. So, depression is something I have had to deal with my entire life. And it has gotten worse as I have gotten older.
I started on anti-depressants in the early 1990’s going to doctor after doctor for years before being diagnosed correctly. I realize now, that when I taught high school back in the seventies, the doctor put me on an anti-depressant, even though at the time I didn’t know he had. In 1984 is when the bottom fell out. Sparing you all the details (you can actually hear the entire story in the film series I videotaped in 1995, which I sell myself, called Becoming a Woman of Peace) I experienced a major situational depression within the depression I had lived with since childhood, that lasted ten years. Yes, it was suicidal. Did I ever attempt suicide? No I didn’t. But I did ask my husband, who is an avid gun collector and teacher of concealed carry classes, to remove the guns from the house. I didn’t want to die; I just didn’t want to live anymore. And there is a difference.
Approximately six years ago I was diagnosed with manic-depression, which I probably had had for a long time. But, because the highs felt so good, I thought they were “normal” and only went to the doctor when I was depressed. I didn’t consider them a problem until I went to a doctor who did. I disagreed with his diagnosis. Therefore, I went to other doctors only to come back years later, allowing him to treat me for the manic-depression. He is still my doctor today.
I am also obsessive compulsive—more obsessive than compulsive. There was one obsession I had, and still have to a degree, which I describe in great detail in the videos. Suffice it to say, it ruled my life and made me beyond miserable. How I ever survived I have no idea, except for God, who is how I’ve been able to live this “story.”
So with depression, manic-depression and OCD in my life, every day of my life, I have to cling to God who gives me hope to live this life. It is because of all these problems that I’ve developed my relationship with Him. Because of having depression and not wanting to get out of the house in the 1980’s and 1990’s, I stayed at home, trying to understand who God was, why I had depression and if a Christian could even suffer from depression in the first place. I got in the word and became a Bible student. Because I got to know God through His word I became a teacher. Because I became a teacher who loved to speak I became a speaker who spoke nationwide. Because I wanted to help others I taped a video series exposing my life, so I could help others who were afraid to open up and expose their own. I have now started The Titus 2 Group, hopefully because God has opened another door for me to help women grow closer to Him, maybe as a result of my honesty and willingness to share. Now, even yesterday I’ve been asked to teach English as a Second Language to the Burmese refugees by the now-head of the program, who’s a member of our church. God prepared me in advance that this was going to happen by allowing me to teach a small group at our church I started teaching two weeks ago. Now all I have to do is decide if I can teach from 8:30 am to 11:00 am four days a week, voluntarily. Why I couldn’t, comes from my next problem.
I have fibromyalgia, which if you have it, you know what it’s like. If you don’t, thank God you don’t. It is a miserable muscle disease some doctors call a sleep disorder because your sleep is so affected and such a major component. (Some doctors don’t even think it exists). When I do go to sleep my muscles gel, making it almost impossible to get out of bed. When I do get out of bed it takes me approximately two hours to wake up and get moving. I do not go to the nine o’clock Bible study on Sundays anymore because my body simply doesn’t cooperate. I feel badly that I can’t, but not guilty like I used to, because I know my salvation is based on a relationship with God, rather than keeping man’s rules. I’m in constant pain. It is described by those who have it as feeling like you have the flu all the time. I ache from head to toe. When I’ve been in a fiber-fog, which I’ve not been in for awhile, I’ve had to stay in bed for two weeks at a time, with my husband having to get behind me to move my legs so I can walk. I can’t think most of the time, especially if I’m in a fog, which explains the reason it’s called “fiber-fog.” Between being in a fog from the fibromyalgia and the medication I have to take for the manic-depression, I am usually grappling for words, which makes my speaking choppy and my writing difficult. I write in small sentences, usually with very simple words, probably on a fifth grade level. I don’t write or speak with the ease I used to. My thoughts are sporadic; they do not flow. This is the main reason I have chosen to go back to the way I did the meditations on Facebook. I simply chose the meditation for the week, highlighted the words to be meditated on for the day, and shared my own thoughts sparingly. I know the Spirit always renders a clear, concise understandable message when I cannot.
Why am I telling you this? Because throughout the years, God has been faithful to me revealing who He is through all my problems. He has never left nor forsaken me. He has provided for my every need, even before I needed it. He gave me a husband that stands by me and understands me even after thirty-four years. He has given me a will to live and a reason to live. He gave me the problems and planned my life around them, resulting in a ministry He planned for me in advance. He’s led me down paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. He has lifted me up when I’ve been down and He’s humbled me when I’ve been arrogant. He’s stood by my side through it all and carried me when I could not go any further. He created the church as a family that carries each other’s burdens and allowed me to be a part of one that has helped me carry mine. He gave me Jesus to save me and give me strength when I’m at my weakest. He’s given me children that, yes, I’ve passed some of this down to, who’ve seen me at my worst yet loved me and pray for me to get better every day. I believe He gave them to me and me to them because He knew we needed each other to fulfill His plan. He gave me a granddaughter to show me what to become in order to inherit the kingdom of Heaven.
While the earth remains,
Seedtime and harvest,
And cold and heat,
And summer and winter,
And day and night
Shall not cease. Genesis 8:22
God has always been faithful to me. He causes the sun to rise on the just and unjust and the sun to go down on me every day. He puts the rainbow in the sky, many of which I’ve seen recently, to reassure me He keeps His promises and to remind me of the covenant He made between Moses and all successive generations--that includes you and me.
My faith in God is what has sustained me for fifty-four years. It’s from being in the word of God, which is where faith comes from, that I have learned just how faithful God is. Without being in His word, I would not know His promises and without knowing the promises I would not have anything to hold onto. My illnesses have made me trust in His promises rather than in my body that has failed me for years. I long for the day when my faith becomes sight and all God’s promises are fulfilled.
I believe, along with Moses who told the Israelites, “that the Lord your God is God; he is the FAITHFUL God.”
Please allow me to share what’s on my heart, that the Spirit is prompting me to write, for three specific reasons. First of all October 4 through October 10 is mental health awareness week and for anyone suffering from a form of mental illness, I think this will give you encouragement to press on. Secondly, I’ve asked each of you to share “your story” with the group so we can get to know each other better and I want you to know part of mine. And thirdly, I want to praise God for his faithfulness to me when I’ve needed to press on and didn’t want to. For those of you who’ve already heard most of this, I apologize in advance for boring you with rehashing my problems but I also want to thank you for being there when I’ve needed you. So I thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
I’ve lived with depression almost my entire life. I know, now, looking back that I suffered from depression even in grade school. I remember sitting at the supper table crying telling my mother I didn’t know why I was crying; I just was. I remember going to Louisville my junior or senior year of High School to perform at the Beta Convention and falling apart for no apparent reason the day of the performance. No. It wasn’t nervous jitters. It was something entirely different, much more serious than a teenager being a teenager, and un-called for. I was a mess. So, depression is something I have had to deal with my entire life. And it has gotten worse as I have gotten older.
I started on anti-depressants in the early 1990’s going to doctor after doctor for years before being diagnosed correctly. I realize now, that when I taught high school back in the seventies, the doctor put me on an anti-depressant, even though at the time I didn’t know he had. In 1984 is when the bottom fell out. Sparing you all the details (you can actually hear the entire story in the film series I videotaped in 1995, which I sell myself, called Becoming a Woman of Peace) I experienced a major situational depression within the depression I had lived with since childhood, that lasted ten years. Yes, it was suicidal. Did I ever attempt suicide? No I didn’t. But I did ask my husband, who is an avid gun collector and teacher of concealed carry classes, to remove the guns from the house. I didn’t want to die; I just didn’t want to live anymore. And there is a difference.
Approximately six years ago I was diagnosed with manic-depression, which I probably had had for a long time. But, because the highs felt so good, I thought they were “normal” and only went to the doctor when I was depressed. I didn’t consider them a problem until I went to a doctor who did. I disagreed with his diagnosis. Therefore, I went to other doctors only to come back years later, allowing him to treat me for the manic-depression. He is still my doctor today.
I am also obsessive compulsive—more obsessive than compulsive. There was one obsession I had, and still have to a degree, which I describe in great detail in the videos. Suffice it to say, it ruled my life and made me beyond miserable. How I ever survived I have no idea, except for God, who is how I’ve been able to live this “story.”
So with depression, manic-depression and OCD in my life, every day of my life, I have to cling to God who gives me hope to live this life. It is because of all these problems that I’ve developed my relationship with Him. Because of having depression and not wanting to get out of the house in the 1980’s and 1990’s, I stayed at home, trying to understand who God was, why I had depression and if a Christian could even suffer from depression in the first place. I got in the word and became a Bible student. Because I got to know God through His word I became a teacher. Because I became a teacher who loved to speak I became a speaker who spoke nationwide. Because I wanted to help others I taped a video series exposing my life, so I could help others who were afraid to open up and expose their own. I have now started The Titus 2 Group, hopefully because God has opened another door for me to help women grow closer to Him, maybe as a result of my honesty and willingness to share. Now, even yesterday I’ve been asked to teach English as a Second Language to the Burmese refugees by the now-head of the program, who’s a member of our church. God prepared me in advance that this was going to happen by allowing me to teach a small group at our church I started teaching two weeks ago. Now all I have to do is decide if I can teach from 8:30 am to 11:00 am four days a week, voluntarily. Why I couldn’t, comes from my next problem.
I have fibromyalgia, which if you have it, you know what it’s like. If you don’t, thank God you don’t. It is a miserable muscle disease some doctors call a sleep disorder because your sleep is so affected and such a major component. (Some doctors don’t even think it exists). When I do go to sleep my muscles gel, making it almost impossible to get out of bed. When I do get out of bed it takes me approximately two hours to wake up and get moving. I do not go to the nine o’clock Bible study on Sundays anymore because my body simply doesn’t cooperate. I feel badly that I can’t, but not guilty like I used to, because I know my salvation is based on a relationship with God, rather than keeping man’s rules. I’m in constant pain. It is described by those who have it as feeling like you have the flu all the time. I ache from head to toe. When I’ve been in a fiber-fog, which I’ve not been in for awhile, I’ve had to stay in bed for two weeks at a time, with my husband having to get behind me to move my legs so I can walk. I can’t think most of the time, especially if I’m in a fog, which explains the reason it’s called “fiber-fog.” Between being in a fog from the fibromyalgia and the medication I have to take for the manic-depression, I am usually grappling for words, which makes my speaking choppy and my writing difficult. I write in small sentences, usually with very simple words, probably on a fifth grade level. I don’t write or speak with the ease I used to. My thoughts are sporadic; they do not flow. This is the main reason I have chosen to go back to the way I did the meditations on Facebook. I simply chose the meditation for the week, highlighted the words to be meditated on for the day, and shared my own thoughts sparingly. I know the Spirit always renders a clear, concise understandable message when I cannot.
Why am I telling you this? Because throughout the years, God has been faithful to me revealing who He is through all my problems. He has never left nor forsaken me. He has provided for my every need, even before I needed it. He gave me a husband that stands by me and understands me even after thirty-four years. He has given me a will to live and a reason to live. He gave me the problems and planned my life around them, resulting in a ministry He planned for me in advance. He’s led me down paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. He has lifted me up when I’ve been down and He’s humbled me when I’ve been arrogant. He’s stood by my side through it all and carried me when I could not go any further. He created the church as a family that carries each other’s burdens and allowed me to be a part of one that has helped me carry mine. He gave me Jesus to save me and give me strength when I’m at my weakest. He’s given me children that, yes, I’ve passed some of this down to, who’ve seen me at my worst yet loved me and pray for me to get better every day. I believe He gave them to me and me to them because He knew we needed each other to fulfill His plan. He gave me a granddaughter to show me what to become in order to inherit the kingdom of Heaven.
While the earth remains,
Seedtime and harvest,
And cold and heat,
And summer and winter,
And day and night
Shall not cease. Genesis 8:22
God has always been faithful to me. He causes the sun to rise on the just and unjust and the sun to go down on me every day. He puts the rainbow in the sky, many of which I’ve seen recently, to reassure me He keeps His promises and to remind me of the covenant He made between Moses and all successive generations--that includes you and me.
My faith in God is what has sustained me for fifty-four years. It’s from being in the word of God, which is where faith comes from, that I have learned just how faithful God is. Without being in His word, I would not know His promises and without knowing the promises I would not have anything to hold onto. My illnesses have made me trust in His promises rather than in my body that has failed me for years. I long for the day when my faith becomes sight and all God’s promises are fulfilled.
I believe, along with Moses who told the Israelites, “that the Lord your God is God; he is the FAITHFUL God.”
Exodus 34:6 Thursday
The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger ABOUNDING IN LOVE and faithfulness, Exodus 34:6
THE LOVE OF GOD
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.
Refrain:
Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure—
The saints’ and angels’ song.
When *hoary time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.
Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.
WORDS: F. M. Lehman (W. 1917)
MUSIC: F.M. Lehman (w. 1917), arr. Claudia Lehman Mays (w. 1917)
*olden
THE LOVE OF GOD
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.
Refrain:
Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure—
The saints’ and angels’ song.
When *hoary time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.
Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.
WORDS: F. M. Lehman (W. 1917)
MUSIC: F.M. Lehman (w. 1917), arr. Claudia Lehman Mays (w. 1917)
*olden
Exodus 34:6 Wednesday
The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, SLOW TO ANGER abounding in love and faithfulness, Exodus 34:6
Depression and anger go hand-in-hand. Depression is frozen rage. Anger is depression thawed. Thank you God for being slow to anger. Forgive me, for I am not.
Depression and anger go hand-in-hand. Depression is frozen rage. Anger is depression thawed. Thank you God for being slow to anger. Forgive me, for I am not.
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