Several years ago I used to teach larger classes than I have in the immediate past, involving maybe 35-40 women. In one of these such classes I was teaching a class on humility and thought Jesus’ example of washing feet would be the most appropriate way I could teach it and felt I had Jesus’ permission to do so, since he said to the apostles “Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them” when he washed their feet. Yes, I know that washing feet is basically an unheard of practice in churches of Christ, but I do remember hearing my father-in-law say that the reason his church practiced foot-washing was because it did, indeed, teach humility. So, it was with good intentions, a sincere heart and Jesus’ example that we washed feet.
We sat in circles of twelve women with a pitcher and bowl in the middle of each circle. My husband had built a large cross, not just for this class but for another, which I also had in the room and I believe I had a scripture tape playing also. The lights were off. I believe I brought oil lamps from home to light the room. I made it a point to state from the very first if this violates anyone’s conscience at all, it will not offend me or anyone else if you want to leave the room. I also recommended they go to the restroom if they needed to take their hose off and when they came back we would get started. One woman per circle filled their pitcher with water.
I joined a group on my own and the foot washing began. One woman in each circle started to wash the next woman’s feet. And on and on around the circle it went until each woman’s feet were washed. I saw with my own eyes, women’s expressions change from being “normal” to being humble. I did, indeed, see what my father-in-law said would happen, happen, as a result of washing each other’s feet. Some of the women told me after leaving class that they had always looked at foot washing from the “let-me-wash-your-feet” perspective, but never from the now-wash-my-feet sort of way. It was much more humbling, which was something they never expected, but something they would never forget. And I agree.
There was no way I could have anticipated the fall-out from this one class. To the people who had directly participated, the class was wonderful. Apparently the trouble came from those who had only heard about it. How they heard never bothered me. It just didn’t matter. How I was treated did.
The first thing that happened that showed me the extent of the problem was when I received an anonymous hate letter. Yes, it was anonymous, had been written on a typewriter and had no return address. It was a rather long letter that contained lots of scripture from both the Old and New Testaments, remarks about traditions and how in all their years of being in the church of Christ they had never ever heard of a church of Christ that practiced foot washing. That they had been out of the country and all over the United States and they had never heard of anything like this before in the church of Christ. That they couldn’t believe I had done something like this. That I, once again, was trying to split the church and that it sounded just like something Teresa Kimbel would do. The letter was not signed and I had no idea who might have sent it. I was devastated. I read the letter over and over again wondering who had written it and what I should do.
For weeks I grieved. I had no idea who I had offended, especially to this degree and since the person writing it had written it anonymously, I had no way of apologizing directly to him or her. All I could think about for weeks was what I had done, who I had offended, what should I do, who could I talk to. I looked at everyone suspiciously, wondering if they were the ones I had offended. I was remorseful. I was hurt. I was angry. I was offended. I was gutted with emotion. I tried to forget it; I couldn’t. I was in angst.
This is what happened next. One Sunday morning I overheard a good friend of mine (she and I were standing in the kitchen at church) say something that sounded exactly like a phrase that had been written in the letter. It was practically word-for-word what I had read. I asked her who had said it and she told me who. What should I do? What should I do? I didn’t know. Even though I knew the man and woman, for several more days I didn’t have the courage to confront. I thought what do I do? What do I say? What if they know nothing about what I’m saying? Will they be offended? Should I go myself? How will I respond if they attack me again, if indeed they were the ones that wrote the letter? I talked to my husband, who, I believe, was a deacon at the time, about what he thought I should do and he told me to forget it. It would take care of itself, but for me to do what I felt like I had to do. So I did.
I remember it was in the summer and he had gone fishing. I was driving down the street wondering what I should do, trying to get my courage up to go talk to them—my heart beating a mile-a-minute. I prayed. I asked for courage. I asked for God’s advice. “Please speak to me.” And He did.
First of all, I wanted to go in peace, so I went and bought a peace plant—a peace lily. Surely they would know I was coming in peace, not in anger and it would be something I could hold onto when I went to the door. Hopefully they would accept it in the spirit it was given.
The door opened and Mr. _____ came to the door. So did his wife. I told them hi and asked if I could come in. He said yes and I said I needed to apologize if I had offended them. I handed Mr. ____ the peace plant hoping he knew I was sincere in coming. They acted surprised that I had actually come to their house, and told me it was not them, when I asked if they were the ones who wrote the letter. They told me that foot washing was something they had never heard of in the church of Christ and couldn’t believe I had done it. We continued to talk for quite a long while and I knew, even if they weren’t the ones I had offended, they were offended. I begged and begged them to tell me if they had written the letter, which they constantly denied. And they assured me they would, if they had. Let me add, that this was the wife I had had lunch with one day, who had told me something she had sworn she would not tell, and that she would deny having told me, if anyone found out. Because of that I had my doubts that they were telling me the truth. I figured if she had told me she would lie then, she might be lying now.
We talked about foot washing and they admitted they had never heard of any church of Christ that had ever washed feet. That he had been in the military, all over the nation, and it was unheard of in the churches of Christ. They told me that Jesus only washed feet because their feet were dirty back then from wearing sandals and that we didn’t wear sandals like that today so there was no need to wash each other’s feet. That it was the equivalent of letting someone spend the night with you or shaking someone’s hand.
They asked me if I would just accept anything in the church. They compared foot washing to handling snakes and asked me if someone wanted to handle snakes would I let them. I told them yes, that I would let them, even though I didn’t agree with it. That I felt like God would take care of them; if they wanted to handle snakes I’d let them. Do I believe we should all handle snakes? No not at all. The point I was trying to make was that I’m not the church police. That I don’t have to answer for everyone else’s decisions, even the ones I disagree with.
One thing led to another and finally the conversation led to the fact that I own a Jaguar. I told them that the sole reason I taught the class was to teach humility. He then replied by asking me if I really believed I could teach a lesson on humility and own a Jaguar. How could I possibly own a Jaguar and teach a class on humility? I saw that anything I said was going to be misconstrued and would only solidify their negative opinion against me. So, I left with them reassuring me they had not been the ones who wrote the letter.
Even though I felt deep within my heart that the foot washing was not wrong, I knew I had to make a public confession asking forgiveness if anyone had been offended, so I could get on with my life and have some peace of mind. This is basically the apology I wrote to the congregation that I asked my husband to read; I can’t remember the exact date.
“On June 5, 1994 I taught a ladies Bible class where we washed each other’s feet. I received an anonymous hate letter in the mail from someone I offended. I never intended to hurt or offend anyone. If I did, I apologize and ask your forgiveness.”
I had made numerous attempts to write what I felt like needed to be said. Each time I wrote more, I realized less was better. Afterwards I heard one of our members say that this was the only way this was going to be taken care of. I felt there was much more she wanted to say and wondered what her interpretation of this was.
I want you to know I’ve been judged and condemned many times but this was the most severe. Never in a million years would I have intentionally done something I thought was unscriptural or ask anyone else to either. I’ve made many, many responses, especially when I was younger, for things I’ve done that have been misinterpreted, misrepresented or misunderstood.
Here are some things I need to say.
1)If A offends you, don’t go to C and tell her; go straight to A immediately--preferably before the sun goes down.
2)Go to the person who offended you in a spirit of love, not in a spirit of anger. My mother-in-law says that anyone will accept practically anything you say, if you say it with tears in your eyes.
3)Ask yourself if you really want to have a relationship with this person or if you just want to spread rumors. Do you want reconciliation or retaliation?
4)Don’t gossip. “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.” (We just like to munch on that juicy, tasty gossip. Don't we?) “A gossip separates close friends.” “Without gossip a quarrel dies down.”
5)Ask yourself why this person offends you. I have been told, and have found it to be true myself—that that which offends me in others is that which I hate in myself. I was complaining about the size of someone else’s house one day and Chuck Miller, my Bible class teacher I respected greatly said, “Maybe it’s because you own a big house or you want a big house.” He got my attention and he was right. And let me add, with regard to foot-washing. If foot-washing is a problem for you, have you done a pride-check lately—not a price-check, but a pride-check? You might want to; maybe we all should. If you have a problem with people who own Jaguars, do you have a problem with greed or envy?
6)Don’t judge. Don’t condemn. Who are you to judge another man’s servant?
7)Should someone come to you with gossip, ask them if they mind you going to the person being gossiped about with the information they just gave you. Or better yet, ask them if they would like to go with you to talk to the person, so things could be worked out between the two of you.
In John 21 where Jesus asks Peter if he loves him three times, he also tells Peter something else. He tells Peter when he is old he will stretch out his hands and someone else will dress and lead him, where he doesn’t want to go, implying Peter’s death. Peter then looks at John and asks Jesus “Lord, what about him?” to which Jesus replies, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?” And then Jesus tells Peter what we all need to hear, “You must follow me.” In other words, Jesus says, “Just worry about you, Peter. And I’ll take care of John.” And then, just like what happens now, rumors among the brothers spread because of this very conversation.
When we judge or condemn each other, we don’t do it in a vacuum. Everyone around us gets hurt. Listen to what Jesus tells the leaders who believed in him, but wouldn’t confess it, because they feared they’d be put out of the synagogue. “As for the person who hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge him. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save it. There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; that very word which I spoke will condemn him at the last day.” John 12:47
Jesus said he did not come to judge the world, he came to save it, TO THE LEADERS WHO WOULD NOT CONFESS THEY BELIEVED IN HIM. Don't you think if anyone ever could have been judmental and condemning that Jesus should have been here? But he wasn't. And don't you think it's rather ironic, given the reason I wrote this article, that Jesus said he didn't come to judge, right in the same passage where he washed the disciple's feet? Interesting, isn't it?
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