Okay, so when I gave us the assignment not to judge, not to condemn I guess I didn’t have going to Wal Mart in mind and I really didn’t think about judging anybody except within the church, church to church and individual to individual. I really don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I thought it would be easy for me not to judge anyone while staying at home alone all day. :)
Anyway, I had to go to the chiropractor today at 2:45, so I decided I would swing by Merle Norman afterwards and have a facial (free of charge, which I try to do once a week because my face is oiler than a teenagers), which meant I would have to leave my make-up off. It really doesn’t bother me not to wear any make-up as much as it bothers the people who have to look at me without any make-up on. Anyway, I called Merle Norman and it took Marilyn forever to answer the phone which told me she was extremely busy. She answered in a huff, telling me she had already done seven today and had two more coming. (Problem #1) I knew my answer before I even asked which made this the first thing that should have warned me about how my day would go. So I decided to go to Wal Mart to buy a rotisserie chicken to take home for supper, since Phil has an elder’s meeting, which he has every-other Monday night. The first thing that happens when I get to Wal Mart is I get the best parking place right in front of the greenhouse, forgetting that everything I needed was on the other side of the store. So I walk in anyway thinking I’m not going to be there long and I could use the exercise. At this point it’s around 3:15. I proceed to get sidetracked and looked at some pre-school to kindergarten books that might be appropriate for the refugees that I teach on Saturdays and I picked one up that was perfect, threw it in my cart and headed to get the Oreos my husband wanted to take to the elder’s meeting. After getting the Oreos, I picked up some spray whipping cream to put on top of my iced coffee I make that’s as good as Starbucks, looked at the yogurt that I didn’t buy because it was made with sugar and meandered over to the deli where I saw there were no chickens except the ones still going up-and-down on the rotisserie thing. Through all the people in front of me who were standing there waiting to get their chicken fingers I asked rather loudly when the chickens would be ready. The guy behind the counter didn’t hear me so the woman in front of me politely asked the question for me. I thought how kind of her. He told her that they wouldn’t be ready for about 18 minutes, which the lady standing in front of me told me also, because she could see the timer. He said that he would have to check them, in about 18 minutes to see if they were done, and then determine if they were done enough to sell. (Problem #2) I told him I would be back in around 20 minutes. If you’ve spent very much time at Wal Mart you know that’s no problem. I knew I could go over to the next zip code and that, in-and-of-itself, would kill 20 minutes. I proceeded to look at the plates like the ones I had given my daughter-in-law Kelly and decided to buy at least 8 for eating desserts on while we play bridge, and thought I should have bought 12 since we sometimes have 3 tables, but didn’t. I looked at the T-shirts, wondered if I really needed one, and had one of my sinking spells. (Problem #3) I got out my hand sanitizer, found my glucose pills and popped 4 in my mouth one right after the other. I continued to walk over to the Kodak film developing place where you can develop your own pictures. I noticed it didn’t look like it worked but put my card in anyway. (Problem #4) The girl standing next to me who was developing her own pictures, never told me it didn’t work even though I later found out she knew all along. She just let me stand there looking like an idiot. (Problem #5) She told me it wouldn’t be long before I could use the one she was using—that she was only developing 9 pictures. So I waited. After waiting about ten minutes the machine spit out her last picture and a warning came up that the machine was out of tape, to call the attendant. (Problem #6) So I left. By this time only about fifteen minutes of my twenty has probably gone by, so I believe I have enough time to go get the frozen grape juice I had been reminding myself to buy by saying grape juice, grape juice, grape juice over and over again in my head. I got the frozen grape juice and started back to the deli. Getting sidetracked by the pork roasts and chicken (I forgot to say that I had called my daughter sometime in the middle of all this and asked her what the box looked like that had the orange chicken in it that she and Clinton liked and she told me it was the one I was holding in my hand.) So, I decided to look at the pork roasts and the chickens as well, so I could make the pork tenderloin and cherry wine sauce along with the orange chicken Laura and Clinton liked so much. (Problem #6) It was then that I proceeded to the deli. I walked up to the counter expecting to buy the rotisserie chicken I had killed 20 minutes over, only to find there WERE NONE IN THE WINDOW. I looked at the two guys behind the counter and practically yelled at them, “Do you not have any chickens?” And they proceeded to tell me that they had ALL BEEN SOLD ALREADY except one they had in the back that was a backyard grilled chicken. (Problem #7) “How many did you have to sell?” I asked. “Eight,” he said. I said, “Eight, did you sell all eight to the same person?” He said, “No at least eight people came buy and bought one.” I put my hands on my head, grabbed my scalp and grunted loud enough everyone around me could hear it. I made a snarling sound out loud, shook my hands in my hair and said, “What do the backyard grilled chickens taste like?” And they scowled but did say they all tasted the same if you pulled the skin off of them, except the lemon pepper ones and they certainly didn’t like that kind. “Oh great,” I thought. (Problem #8)
I grabbed the backyard grilled rotisserie chicken I had killed twenty minutes over, but didn’t want and started to the check-out line. Knowing I was on the wrong side of the store anyway, I decided to go to the other side of the store that was closest to my car to check out in anyway and chose the line I would check out in. I was the third person in line believing it would be a rather quick check-out, so I waited and I waited, patiently at first, but then not so patiently. I had picked the line where the lady, two in front of me, had to have a price check, which happens to either me or my husband everytime we go there. (Problem #9) I saw the expression on the lady’s face and knew it was going to be a while before she was going to be finished so I decided to go to Goldie’s line. (Problem #10) Years ago I was listening to a radio station that was having people call in to tell them their most embarrassing moment. My most embarrassing moment had involved Goldie. One day Goldie was checking me out when I noticed a black mark on her cheek right under her eye, and I felt like I needed to tell her she needed to see a dermatologist that it looked cancerous. So I asked her if she had ever seen a dermatologist and she told me no, that she had penciled it on that morning. I felt so crazy and wanted to crawl under the check-out counter. I laugh now thinking about it, but then I wanted to crawl under a rock and stay there. So, here I find myself in Goldie’s line again. Bless her heart, Goldie doesn’t get in a hurry for anybody, much less the woman who told her she needed to see a doctor for the mole she had penciled on that morning. She slowly, slowly, slowly, checked out the woman in front of me, who proceeded to give her a check that the cash register ATE, (Problem #11) slowing down the process even further. She looked at the machine, opened the machine and finally got it to spit it out, but not with anything on it.(Problem #12) So, Goldie had to write the amount on the check, give it back to the woman so she could sign it and then bag up her groceries. By this time I’ve been in Wal Mart forty-five minutes longer than I had expected and had thought about asking the Titus 2 Group not to judge at least a hundred times. I asked Goldie if she had ever hummed the same song over-and-over again and told her I had been humming the same song for over an hour and even hummed it for her to see if she knew what I was humming. She told me she had hummed the same song over-and-over again, but didn’t recognize what I was humming. (I was humming “That’s All” which is an old song that I listen to that’s on a CD I have of Rod Stewarts. It starts out, “I could only give you love that lasts forever…” Some of you have probably heard it.) Anyway, bless her heart if I were Goldie’s age I would probably be slower than she is, but she took forever to bag my groceries. One of the reasons she took forever was because I had forgotten I had bought the eight plates I was going to serve desserts on while we were playing Bridge (Problem #13) and I knew in the first place that it was going to take her forever, when I saw it was her, so it was really my fault that I was standing there having to wait on her in the first place. So she had to individually wrap each of the eight plates so I wouldn’t break them when I put them in the car. (Problem #14) I talked to her about teaching English as a second language to the Burmese refugees on Saturdays just to pass the time and calm me down because I’ve given this assignment to the Titus 2 Group NOT TO CONDEMN OR JUDGE and I am failing the test badly. She gets everything bagged. I give her my check. She says “Bye sweetie.” And I’m on my way. I think.
I push my buggy and head straight for the door when “Mr. Wiggins” gets in front of me who is a “Mr. Wiggins” with an odor. (Problems #15 & 16) For those of us over 50, Mr. Wiggins was a regular on the Carol Burnett show who walked at a snail’s pace. It took him forever to walk across the floor and now I was behind him at Wal Mart. I didn’t have enough room to go around him. I couldn’t get away from his odor, so I walked at the pace he was walking, held my breath and headed out the door…. fifty minutes after calling my husband to tell him I was going to kill some time waiting for the chicken to get done.
Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! How I was put to the test! Obviously I failed it or I wouldn’t be writing this story. It was amazing how many times I was given the opportunity to judge and condemn--one right after the other. It was like Satan was throwing people my way waiting to see what I was going to do with them. Was I going to smile and go on or judge and condemn? Ladies, I will have to give myself credit for something-- giving us this assignment did help me not to absolutely lose it. I could have. And probably would have if I hadn’t told myself not to judge.
Isn’t it amazing when we try to make ourselves do something good, Satan immediately puts us to the test trying to make something bad out of it? I hope today has been easy for you; I really do. But ladies, obviously it hasn’t been for me. I am so thankful that tomorrow is another day and his mercies are new every morning. I know after today, I need all the mercy I can get. And I’m soooooooooooooo glad I’m not condemned, even after today.
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