Forgetting What is Behind

I was abused by a cousin from before the age of seven to the age of sixteen. I remember the first time. I remember the last time. I don’t remember the times in between, but my counselor and I believe there were more. It was not until I was fifty-three that I had the courage to confront him, which I never dreamed I could do; I had never even entertained the thought. I had always assumed there would never be closure, just a resolve to let it be. For thirty-seven years, there was no "letting it be"; the memories kept rearing their ugly heads.

It was when I discovered Richard Carlson’s book You Can Be Happy no matter what, that I realized it was my thinking and not my circumstance that kept me remembering. This is what he writes: “When you understand memory for what it really is—simple, harmless thoughts passing through your mind—rather than a present reality that must be analyzed and battled against, it’s far easier to dismiss the hundreds of future- and past-oriented thoughts that run through your mind every day.” I had to put the abuse in the context of the present rather than in the context of the past. I had to realize my thinking, i.e. my memories -- just memories were keeping the abuse alive.

The apostle Paul understood the power of memories and living in the present moment. He had to understand, considering what he had done and what others had done to him. He had consented to Stephen’s death, threatened the disciples and persecuted Jesus. And he tells the Corinthians, “Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked. I spent a night and a day in the open sea.”.... “I have labored and toiled and have gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked.”…. “I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again.” He understood the foibles of looking back. Had he looked back he could have been a very angry man.

“But one thing I do,” Paul says, “forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Paul understood the value of living in the present moment. He forgot what was BEHIND and strained toward what was AHEAD, and pressed ON toward the goal. He did not live in the future, he strained toward it. If Paul had dwelt on the past he surely would have remembered the pain he inflicted on others as well as the pain others inflicted on him. But he chose not to.

How did Paul do that? He chose to think on “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” He even had the peace of mind to say, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” He realized “….it’s our thinking, not our circumstances, that determines how we feel."

“The only way a thought, or series of thoughts, can harm you is if you give them significance. If you don’t, they have no power to hurt you. And as long as you remember that your thoughts have no power to hurt you without your consent, you will retain power over your life. Rather than feeling victimized or defeated by the thoughts that stream through your mind, you’ll be able to keep them in perspective. As thoughts enter your consciousness, you’ll decide whether to pay attention to them, take them seriously and respond accordingly, or simply dismiss them and go on with your day.”

“When your thoughts are distanced from the present moment, whether you are thinking of your childhood or something that occurred earlier this morning, you are actually recreating your past through your thinking. As long as you are aware that you produce your thoughts, that you are the thinker, you can avoid feeling sad, angry, or victimized by bringing your attention back to the present.” This is what it took for me to get beyond living in the past. I had to learn that “thoughts of the past are nothing more than actively engaged memories.” And I had to, from the present moment, look back on the past from a factual point of view rather than a memory based on feeling. I had to let it go and move forward.

Paul says, “But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind…” The word forgetting Paul uses here is not the same word the author of Hebrews uses when he says God “will remember their sins no more.” The word Paul uses means “to neglect, no longer care for, to give over to oblivion.” It does not mean "remember no more." Whereas God can completely “remember no more” we cannot. Whereas God can “obliterate” the past, I must learn to be “oblivious” to it. This is what Richard Carlson means when he says, “The only way a thought, or series of thoughts, can harm you is if you give them significance. If you don’t they have no power to hurt you.” Paul's past did not vanish; he ignored it.

“When you focus your attention in this moment, instead of moments that are over or yet to be,” Carlson writes, “you’ll maximize your productivity, creativity, and ability to accomplish your goals,”—something Paul fleshed out. He strained toward – “to stretch one’s self forward to.” He pressed on—“to run swiftly in order to catch a person or thing.” But first he forgot the past.